What, No Confetti?

I recently experienced the same thing I tell my clients, and honestly, it was a bit deflating.

Yet, it was the right feeling. It meant success. It meant the board’s efforts in developing its strategic plan, debating objectives, defining strategies, and nit-picking select words had been worth the effort. The new board member with whom I reviewed the plan, simply said, “Thanks for that overview. It makes sense to me. It seems pretty straightforward, but it covers a lot of ground, which it needs to. How can I help?”

That was it.

He didn’t applaud. He didn’t say, “Wow Liz. This is amazing! It’s the most concise, focused, yet results-oriented strategic plan I’ve ever seen!” He wasn’t awed or tantalized by the plan. He didn’t appear ready to start an organization-wide campaign to “get everyone on board” by creating new banners and giving out buttons. He simply wanted to start moving it forward.

And because of that, the plan is already working.

Effective strategic planning (or for that matter any project planning) is only effective when it creates a clear roadmap for the team responsible for making it happen.

When it creates excitement, shock and awe, but confusion, chaos, conflicts, and frustration are soon to follow.  And this is why many of my clients have painful memories of prior strategic planning initiatives. They were well intentioned. They felt good and right during the process. But they yielded a document of little value, that caused more headaches than value because no one remembers what they meant as the various pieces of the plan were created. Their plans sound nice, but require subsequent meetings to discuss what was meant instead of actually working the plan.

Because of this all-too-common focus on creating lofty plans intended to inspire instead of clarify, I tell my clients:

If we’ve developed your strategic plan well, the rest of the team will understand it and accept it when it’s shared with them. However, be prepared: they won’t be amazed or barely able to contain their applause, because it won’t be awe-inspiring: it’ll be clear but challenging. In fact, some of them may say, “It took you how many meetings to come up with just these few sheets of paper?” And, that’s the type of reaction we want. We don’t want them to be amazed, in shock, awed, or paralyzed by fear. We want them to hear it or read it, and “get it.”

Because if they “get it,” they have a pretty clear picture of what we’re asking them to help work towards. When they “get it,” they aren’t paralyzed by confusion.

They can help make it happen.

And that’s the purpose of a well-developed plan. Even though the planning teams wouldn’t mind just a bit of applause….

Reprinted with permission. Copyright 2012 – Liz Weber, CMC – Weber Business Services, LLC – www.WBSLLC.com

You can see the whole post, resources, and comments on Liz' blog here.

You can connect with Liz on Facebook and Twitter

Delusional Clients

I’m fortunate to partner with clients who inspire me with their courage, vision, and wit. Sadly, many of them don’t readily see what I see in them: they fail to notice the positive impact they have on others and may suffer from doubt, guilt, and loneliness.

And it’s not just top execs who suffer from this delusion.

Do You Suffer from Delusions of Smallness?

Here are some indicators:

• You fail to give yourself the same care and consideration as you give others (or your dog).
• You worry that all you’ve achieved is undeserved or ephemeral.
• You treat your body as a machine that runs on coffee and doesn’t require ample rest and rejuvenation.
• You say yes to all demands even if it means sacrificing sleep, sanity, and relationships.
• You apologize often for things outside your control, as in “I’m so sorry I didn’t respond to your 2:00 a.m. email” or “I’m so sorry it’s raining.”
• You compare yourself to others or to some ideal vision of who you think you should be.

Reality Check
No matter who you are or what you do for a living, if you ignore your body’s needs for rest, nutrition, and exercise, it will break down someday…almost certainly at a very inconvenient time and place. (Note, it’s possible, but highly unlikely, that you’ll get lucky and earn a standing ovation from 3,000 people after passing out stage as my buddy Steve Roesler did).

What You Can Do About It

• Make exercise, sleep, and healthy eating a priority. You don’t have to do this alone. Find partners–nutritionists, MDs, Sleep therapists, personal trainers etc. who can help you make lasting changes. Don’t give up until you have a thriving body with ample energy.
• Say ‘yes’ to work that is the best use of you and ‘no’ to work that can be delegated or stopped. When you delegate well you grow and inspire others.
• Recognize what is within your sphere of control and influence, and learn to accept the rest.
• Get perspective - Have a coach or HR partner interview staff to find out how you are truly perceived.
• Get networked - Leadership is lonely. Find colleagues you can talk to honestly.
• Practice gratitude. This is one of the best ways to get out of a funk. Pay thanks to everyone and anyone who helped you get where you are: teachers, coaches, bosses, professors, the BART conductor, the assembly line worker who built your car, the barrista…you get the idea.
• Eschew perfection. Stop making homemade cookies for your child’s bake sale. Outsource everything you can and focus your attention on quality time with people you care about.
• Eschew guilt. Guilt is rarely helpful and mostly toxic and unnecessary. If you find that you’ve had an integrity outage, apologize and do better. If you’re feeling guilty for not being superhuman, get over it. Examine your choices and limitations, choose how to spend your time, and move on.
• Embrace fun. Listen to vintage Steve Martin. Watch stupid YouTube videos. Go on the rides with your kid. Do whatever makes you smile and belly laugh. Take things less seriously.

Prioritize You

As you examine your long to-do list, recall that in forests, thousands of small species depend on the health and strength of the tallest trees. When you take care of yourself, everyone around you benefits.

“Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. We are all meant to shine, as children do.”

- Marianne Williamson

Medical Resource

I have the pleasure of recommending my MD, Dr. Morgan Camp who specializes in helping busy executives return their bodies to balance and find optimal health. I have first-hand knowledge that he gets people thriving quickly. His office is in Mill Valley, CA and he also consults by phone. Make yourself a priority today.

Book

The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working by Tony Schwartz

With this Holiday Edition, we offer a way to end the year ceremoniously, with heart and meaning.

You may want to grab a notebook or blank sheet of paper (electronic or old-fashioned)

Step One: Catalog Your Accomplishments

Brainstorm your accomplishments for the past year. When brainstorming, consider multiple aspects of your life, including health, fun, professional, financial, physical environment, personal development, and relationships. Include anything that feels significant.

For those who need a jump-start, here are some possibilities:

• Shielded your team from nasty politics
• Brought home a paycheck so your family could maintain a certain quality of life
• Completed ___ performance reviews
• Managed the health and daily care of one or more children
• Cared for ill parents
• Wrote holiday cards
• Remembered special occasions (anniversary, birthdays)
• Fit in work-out time
• Organized your electronic files, closet, office…
• Fed the dog

Step Two: Identify the Most Important Accomplishments

Reflect on which of these accomplishments feels the most meaningful. If they tend to all fall into the “work” category, check to see how you’re defining accomplishment. Is your sense of success defined by what others think or what you feel? Note which item(s) on the list garnered no meaningful praise from other, yet felt deserving of appreciation.

Step Three: Let Go

It’s likely that you may never receive sufficient, specific appreciation from your partner, team, parent, child, or dog. Notice whether you feel any resentment or remorse about this. Then take a deep breath and let the resentment go. If you find it hard to drop any “should” stories (i.e., “he should be more appreciative”) it might help to recall that others may be waiting for just the right praise from you. Forgive them and forgive yourself. Notice the lightness you feel when you drop the grievance.

Now, take action to craft praise that lights up your heart.

Step Four: Express Appreciation to You

First, close your eyes and imagine a second version of yourself stepping outside your body and turning to face you. This second self holds no resentment or judgment. Now have this second self express deep gratitude for your actions. Take in the words and sentiments, letting them fill you up. Take a couple deep breaths. Repeat for any other significant accomplishments.

Step Five: Offer Appreciation to Others

Consider what wonderful things others have done that you may have taken for granted. Offer appreciation in a way that you think would mean the most to them (a card, a gift, a statement of praise). Tell them how it made a difference for you.

Our Deepest Thanks

The cataloging and appreciation exercise was inspired by our dear colleague, Rita Hovakimian, in her annual Strategic Visioning Workshop. To find out more visit  www.inspiringsuccess.net

We thank you for your support, inspiration, and trust in this first full year of Brilliance Inc. We are blessed to have this work and hope to continue to offer solutions for a very long time as we grow into our mission to raise the level of compassion, skill, and effectiveness in every human interaction.

Happy Holidays from Denise and Heather!

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.

- Cicero

There are two ways to live life: One as if nothing is a miracle, the other as if everything is.

- Einstein

When we ask program participants and clients about times when they felt in the zone, nearly all can name one. Barely anyone claims to there now. And survey research supports this observation. According to a Gallup poll, more than 70 percent of people are disengaged from their job.

There are several key ingredients to peak performance. Knowing them can make it easier to diagnose what’s missing.

Recipe at-a-Glance: One part S (Strengths) to four parts P (Passion, Purpose, Preferences, Progress).

One Part ‘S’

1. Strengths:
In every peak moment, you will find that you are doing what you do best. Strengths may be learned skills or innate abilities. Either way, they are things that you excel at. Sometimes it’s hard to notice your own strength because it comes easily to you. What comes easily to you – public speaking, playing music, interpersonal skills, listening, remembering and using data – is terrifyingly difficult for others. Where you exhibit grace, others stumble or exert more effort for the same or less outcomes.

Ways to determine strengths:

• Take an inventory assessment: Gallup’s StrengthsFinder or Highlands Ability Battery are good options
• Recall what tasks at work you do most effortlessly

Four Parts P

1. Passion:
Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you like doing it.

Ways to determine passion:

• What tasks do you rarely procrastinate?
• When you do procrastinate, what do you tend to work on instead?
• What projects, work, tasks, do you volunteer or readily take on?
• If you could go back to school now, what would you major in?
• If money were no concern, how would you fill your days?

2. Purpose:
Whether you’re making a difference within a home, a company, or more broadly in the world, you feel like your contribution matters.

Ways to get clear about your purpose:

• What would I do if money were no object?
• What am I here to do?
• How can I add value to others and the world at large?
• How would I like to be remembered?
• What are the three most important lessons I would like to pass on to my children?

3. Preferences:
If your work doesn’t fit your personal preferences, you won’t feel motivated.

Preferences may include working:

• Alone or on a team
• In an office or at home
• At a fast or slow pace
• With a flexible or predictable schedule
• In a quiet or sound-filled environment

Of all the ingredients, this is the one that most fluctuates over time. What matters one day may change the next. Perhaps you were fine with working 60 hours a week when you just graduated college. But not now. Or, maybe a consulting job with lots of travel worked well until you had a child. Now, not so much. Or maybe now that you’re a parent you’d like to travel more!

4. Progress

In August, 2011, Harvard’s Teresa Amabile and Psychologist Steven Kramer published their book The Progress Principle, where they share their findings from a data-rich study of over 200 people in 7 countries. Dan Pink, author of Drive, calls it the best business book he’s read in years. The authors amassed 12,000 days worth of data from study participants and reported fascinating conclusions about what really motivates people at work, and conversely, what chokes creativity and engagement. They found that what motivates people most is making progress on meaningful work. And sadly, they also found that these valued “small wins” are too rare. What can you do? Amabile suggests:

• “Religiously protect at least 20 minutes – and, ideally, much more – every day, to tackle something in the work that matters most to you. Hide in an empty conference room, if you have to, or sneak out in disguise to a nearby coffee shop.
• Make note of any progress you made (even if it was a small win), and decide where to pick up again the next day.”

We also suggest that you

• Allow yourself to really savor the accomplishment, by pausing and letting a sense of satisfaction penetrate you…before you jump back on the hamster wheel. (like savoring clicking the “Publish” button on a blog).

Managers!

• Ask your employees how easy it is to make progress on meaningful work (on a scale of 0-10)
• Ask what gets in the way
• Ask what ideas they have for removing obstacles
• Support them in removing obstacles and check back often to recalibrate

Living Brilliantly

When life feels a little bitter or salty, take a look at the recipe for brilliance. Compare it to your life. Figure out what’s missing and take steps to get it more in balance.

We don’t mean to oversimplify. Taking steps to add a dash of anything may take incredible efforts. This is where it may make sense to find a coaching partner to help you bring some brilliance back to your life. An effective coach knows that living brilliantly involves more than creating quality work. To really feel “in the zone” you need to build a strong foundation of support in all aspects of your life, for example, good health, quality rest, fulfilling relationships, and fun. Every individual has a unique recipe that leads to ultimate fulfillment.

Note, if life feels sweet, just relax and savor.

Managers: this is the key to career development coaching. Many of your staff could use help figuring out how to get in the zone. They may feel awkward admitting to you that their job situation isn’t optimal. You can help by actively helping people develop more of a balance in their recipe.

Recommended Reading

The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz (2004)

Don’t Waste Your Talent: The 8 Critical Steps To Discovering What You Do Best by Bob McDonald, Don E. Hutcheson, Lazar Emanuel, and Thomas N. Tavantzis (2005)

Go Put Your Strengths to Work: 6 Powerful Steps to Achieve Outstanding Performance by Marcus Buckingham (2007)

Now, Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton (2001)

The Progress Principle: Using Small Wins to Ignite Joy, Engagement, and Creativity at Work by Amabile and Steven Kramer

Note: This is an updated version of the original, first published in our ebook, Conversations for Brilliance. This version was amended to include the very important fourth P, progress on meaningful work.

We really do want to know!  We only received a few replies last time and know that the rest of you can’t be THAT happy all the time. What seems to keep you from being as successful as you want? Your response will help us  provide you with tools, insights, and information that you can use to solve real problems and ultimately, lead and live more brilliantly.

Speak your mind in the comment box below. You might even feel better and we will definitely appreciate your input!

Have you ever given someone feedback that they then ignored?

Just because you offer feedback doesn’t mean that it’s accepted. Feedback done poorly can produce undesirable results: demotivating an employee and potentially damaging the relationship. Perhaps this is why so many managers fail to give feedback at all.

As you’ve probably experienced from being on the receiving side of the conversation, there is more to giving feedback then simply getting the words out. Yet, most feedback models focus more on delivering a message according to a set of rules, instead of delivering it in a way that ensures it is actually received.

Common Wisdom About Feedback

Here’s a summary of existing advice about structuring and delivering feedback:

• Be specific: offer details for clarity
• Be timely: don’t wait until a regularly scheduled formal review conversation
• Give often: so it’s part of normal conversation
• Be objective: deliver with facts and without color commentary. I.e., “In the meeting, you raised your voice, slammed your notebook shut, and walked out.” Instead of “You were very rude in the meeting.”
• Describe the impact: What did or could result from the behavior?
• Suggest an alternative way of approaching the situation next time

All of these suggestions are fine and helpful. But they won’t guarantee that the feedback will have the desired outcome.

Upgrading Your Feedback Delivery

We care less about the structure of feedback and more about the intent and content. Some tips on delivering feedback that sticks:

• Give it with the intent of genuinely helping.
• Make sure you have a trusting relationship already.
• Maintain curiosity and ask for their point of view.
• Frame the feedback around their brilliance and what they care about.

Let’s talk about that last item. If you do nothing else from either list, try giving feedback that honors a person’s brilliance. That is, give feedback in the context of what’s important to them, not you. For example, an employee in Corporate Finance may pride herself on submitting error-free reports. A colleague in sales may care about being factually correct as well, but what really matters most to him could be understanding and connecting with the client. The feedback you give is more likely to stick if, in these examples, you frame the feedback you give to the Finance employee around how it can forward error-free work, while talking with the Sales employee about the actions he could take to help him understand the client even more. In the same way, praise that acknowledges the areas they care about will have a much greater impact.

People rarely tell you directly what motivates them. Here are some suggestions for determining what matters most to a someone:

• What subjects is he most passionate about?
• Where does he seem to spend the largest percentage of his time?
• When does he get most defensive?
• When does he most appreciated?
• When he describes his work, what does he focus on?
• What assignments does he volunteer for or do most efficiently?

And, you can always ask:

• How do you like to be known?
• What feedback or praise has meant the most to you?
• What part of your work is most meaningful/rewarding?
• What feedback or praise falls flat (has the least impact)?

Connect, Calm, Caring

Instead of trying to remember a model or follow a script precisely, try connecting the feedback message to something the recipient actually cares about. That, plus a calm, caring demeanor on your part, is likely to ensure that the feedback has your desired effect.

Make sure you’re signed up for this blog so you’ll get notified about our upcoming free video training about feedback!

WHAT AILS YOU?

Our goal is to provide tools, insights, and information that you can use to solve real problems and ultimately, lead and live more brilliantly. To that end, we want to learn: What are your biggest, ugliest, most annoying problems, that, if resolved, would leave you more effective and satisfied?

Our request: respond to a short questionnaire and in exchange, receive a complimentary copy of our ebook Conversations for Brilliance, a $1,000 value*

Please take 3 just minutes to tell us your troubles… and get a great resource to boot! (In addition to the cathartic release created when you name your problems and vent your frustrations.)

VISIT THE SURVEY NOW at: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/namethatproblem

Respond today! Have your voice heard and receive the gift! Send the link to your frustrated friends and colleagues!

*Ok, maybe $1,000 is a bit high. We actually charge $9.95. Not only will you find useful insights, but thanks to the team at Streilein design, it’s beautiful to behold.

LEADER TESTIMONIALS

Here’s what incredible leaders have said about the eBook.

“It’s been said that the quality of our lives is determined by the quality of the questions we ask ourselves and others who are central to our success and happiness and, of course, the quality of our answers to those questions. Those who thoughtfully answer the provocative questions posed in Brilliance will have insights galore, plus a wealth of recommendations from which to choose as they step onto a more effective and compelling path. What a great resource!”

- SUSAN SCOTT, bestselling author of Fierce Conversations, Achieving Success at Work & in Life – One Conversation at a Time and Fierce Leadership, A Bold Alternative to the Worst “Best” Practices of Business Today

“Reaching for our potential is in our DNA; we’re each born with an innate desire to discover all the brilliance that lies within us. In Conversations for Brilliance, Denise and Heather provide a guide, a wealth of tools, and practical advice to enrich the journey of discovery. This book is a resource you will find yourself going back to again and again as you navigate the most important relationships in your life.”

- KIRSTEN WOLBERG, CIO salesforce.com

“Conversations for Brilliance is a powerful tool for managers at all levels who want to challenge and inspire their employees, as well as themselves, toward achieving ever improving performance. I found the chapters that focused on effective listening, providing coaching and advice, improving team dynamics and thriving in turbulent times to be both highly insightful and practical. A good book to keep close by for easy reference.”

- JAY S. BENET, VICE CHAIRMAN AND CFO, The Travelers Companies, Inc.

We look forward to hearing from you!

Denise and Heather

Relationship is the grease on the wheels of business. When you have it, all else flows more smoothly and efficiently. Without it, everything takes longer: communication is stilted and unclear; miscommunication leads to re-work; efforts to save face or deflect blame distract precious energy.  Yet, often we neglect true team-building, thinking that it will steal valuable time from “real” work.

Relationship Pyramid

At Brilliance Inc., we liken the work process to a pyramid, with relationship at the foundation. Sure, you can flip it and try minimizing relationship while you focus on results, but like a spinning top, it’s unsustainable. And the resulting poor outcomes will only further damage relationships, bringing about a need for major intervention and leadership acrobatics. Meaning you’ll have to allocate intense resources to rebuilding relationships that may or may not be salvageable.

Here’s an overview of the discreet steps that lead to outstanding results. We call it ROAAR™.

Foundation Level: Relationship
-    Trust and mutual respect exists.
-    People appreciate, recognize, and leverage each others’ differences.
-    People communicate with candor and clarity.

Level Two: Objectives
-    Goals cascade from a Corporate vision and objectives, down to each team and individual.
-    Team and individuals goals are derived inclusively in robust conversations
-    Outcomes are clearly defined and realistic.

Level Three: Agreements
-    Roles and workflow handoffs are clear.
-    Team members debate until real agreements are reached.
-    Team members decline requests that they are unable to meet, then negotiate, remove roadblocks, and prioritize.

Level Four: Actions
-    Task assignments are aligned with strengths and passions
-    Team members put a clear plan into action or recalibrate as new information is gathered.
-    Adjustments are made based on learning acquired from the first stages of the plan which allows members to act skillfully on a larger scale.
-    As roadblocks or problems occur, team members surface them to leadership.

Level Five: Results
-    Results meet or exceed expectations.
-    When results fail to meet expectations, a blame-free analysis seeks to understand causes.

Meanwhile, Back in the Real World
When we present this model in workshops and ask participants, “How far back does root-cause analysis go in your company?” without fail, they’ve told us that when things break, they and their leaders look to the “Act” level first: “Who did (and didn’t do) what?” This shallow analysis creates a witch-hunt mentality where people scramble to get their stories straight and avoid having the blame fall on them. The ensuing self-preservation efforts divert valuable resources away from developing products and services that create loyal customers.

Futility of Fear

And for those who still aren’t convinced—those who think that results happen because you hold people “accountable” and “hold their feet to the fire”—you might be surprised to learn that the environment of fear that you are creating is counter-productive. In short, when people are in fear mode, they become stupid.

It’s true. If your goal is to drop the average IQ of your company, then treat people in a manner that ignites their fight or flight instinct. If you still doubt, just Google “Amygdala Hijack” and learn all about how to lower your competitive advantage and create a hostile workplace.

Identifying and Fixing the Problems: No Witch-Hunt Required

For those courageous leaders who would like some help with effective blame-free analysis, we offer our this complimentary ROAAR™ Analysis Model. This root-cause analysis starts by looking to the foundation (Relationship), then moving up the pyramid, reviewing each factor until sources of breakage are identified and addressed. The primary goal is to learn and prevent future breakages, while increasing trust and capability.We’d love to hear how it is useful to you and welcome your feedback, ideas, and comments. Click here to download a copy.

Other Thoughts & Inspirations

Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long by David Rock

“If you don’t make failure acceptable, you can’t have original and unique.”
~ Jeffrey Katzenberg, CEO Dreamworks

“Without relationship, you start at zero.”
~ Kofi Annan

“Clarity about whose head will roll when things go wrong.”
~ Accountability, as defined by Susan Scott in the new bestseller Fierce Leadership

Note: The metaphor of the relationship-based pyramid was inspired by our dear friend Peter Vultaggio, principal of the Lumi Company and brilliant trainer, coach, and business leader.

Think you could become fluent in Spanish in a one-day workshop?

Us neither.

How about proficient on piano in one day?

Nope.

Scientific research tell us, (what you already knew intuitively), that it takes at least 21 days of practice to instill a new habit. And, mastery is another thing altogether. If Malcolm Gladwell has it right in his latest book Outliers, it takes 10,000 hours of practice to be superlative in any field.

Yet, when it comes to developing the behaviors that characterize great leadership, many clients expect mastery in a day. We firmly believe that a leadership training workshop is just the beginning.

Practice makes…
If you are in a fabulous training program (like one of ours for example!) you can gain awareness about yourself and others, practice new skills, and plan to implement the behaviors.  While helpful, it’s probably not enough to keep the momentum going while everything in your life and workplace encourages business (and behavior) as usual. If you need any evidence that this is true, just glance at that shelf in your office where good training binders go to die, collecting dust.

Real, lasting improvement begins with epiphanies and takes hold with practice. That is why we became coaches. We saw too many great people fail to turn their insights into action after the (Incredible! Amazing!) workshop ended and reality happened.

Our goal:
Change the way corporations support leadership development so that the efforts create real, sustainable, brilliant results.

We have left the land of denial where we pretended that deep change could happen in a few hours, as long as the content was well designed, the leaders well-intentioned, and the facilitator was incredible.  We want you to join us!

You need support while you create new habits, gain proficiency and eventually, fluency. That is why we created the ebook Conversations for Brilliance: Tools to Help You Inspire Extraordinary Results from Yourself and Others.

Conversations for Brilliance:
With this ebook, you can become your own personal coach and refine (or overhaul) your practice to improve the quality of your conversations, your relationships, and your results. Learning how to consistently have more powerful conversations takes practice.

Leaders don’t have the luxury of practicing their trade off the field. Every day, in every conversation, and with every decision, you are developing yourself as a manager, colleague, influencer, collaborator, parent, trusted partner, etc. You’re practicing anyway…why not get the benefit of some pragmatic, experienced help so you develop the outcomes you need?

What’s in the book:
We’ve included ideas, information, assignments, assessments, and other tools that, when applied with regularity and gusto, will shape your results in all aspects of your life.

Our mission is to help you have more powerful conversations-all conversations, whether with yourself or with others, big or small, long or short, easy or uncomfortable-so that you evoke brilliance in yourself and others.

Are you ready to have more powerful conversations and improve your results? If yes, click here to order your copy.

Testimonials
Here’s what people are saying about the book:

“Conversations for Brilliance is a powerful tool for managers at all levels who want to challenge and inspire their employees, as well as themselves, toward achieving ever improving performance. ”
- JAY S. BENET, VICE CHAIRMAN AND CFO, The Travelers Companies, Inc.

“It’s been said that the quality of our lives is determined by the quality of the questions we ask ourselves and others who are central to our success and happiness and, of course, the quality of our answers to those questions. Those who thoughtfully answer the provocative questions posed in Brilliance will have insights galore, plus a wealth of recommendations from which to choose as they step onto a more effective and compelling path. What a great resource!”
- SUSAN SCOTT, BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF Fierce Conversations, Achieving Success at Work & in Life – One Conversation at a Time and Fierce Leadership, A Bold Alternative to the Worst “Best” Practices of Business Today

“In Conversations for Brilliance, Denise and Heather succeed in communicating profound and complex leadership concepts in an accessible manner. I recommend this book for good, introspective managers looking for advice on how to grow people-advice that goes beyond the simple management or coaching how-to’s they can find elsewhere.”
- MARIA V. WAYNE, Ph.D. AND SENIOR DIRECTOR, GLOBAL LEARNING AND DEVELOPMENT, Seagate Technology

“Reaching for our potential is in our DNA; we’re each born with an innate desire to discover all the brilliance that lies within us. In Conversations for Brilliance, Denise and Heather provide a guide, a wealth of tools, and practical advice to enrich the journey of discovery. This book is a resource you will find yourself going back to again and again as you navigate the most important relationships in your life.”
- KIRSTEN WOLBERG, CIO salesforce.com

Click here to learn more and order the ebook!

One of the most powerful, reliable ways to break through is to work with a partner who, when they speak with us, is intently focused solely on our complete success. Most people don’t have someone like this in their life. And such a partner is so valuable, they are willing to pay for it. Thus, the rise of coaching as a profession.

Though skillful and effective, coaches are no magicians. If you want to improve your relationships, your results, and your satisfaction in every aspect of life, borrow the behaviors of the coaching trade and become a leader who cultivates excellence in yourself and others.

This may sound daunting. Managers lament that they don’t have time to add yet another meeting to their busy work day. We agree. Instead of trying to crow-bar disconnected development conversations into your schedules, weave these behaviors into existing conversations in ways that inspire better results.

Inspirational Conversation:
Coaching conversations don’t have to be long. Inspiration can come in an instant. You can probably recall a moment when a comment, question, or gesture profoundly affected your life’s direction.

For evidence that a brief conversation can be meaningful, look to Hawaii. Hawaiians can have a meaningful exchange using ONE WORD: Aloha. Most people know that Aloha means both “hello” and “goodbye.” Yet, there’s a much deeper, heartfelt meaning that conveys grace, respect, and goodwill. Hawaiians speak of the Aloha Spirit that imbues their world, creating a shared, sacred space.

Our ALOhA Conversation Model for evoking brilliance has four steps: 1) Assess, 2) Learn, 3) Offer help, and 4) Action.

Coaches embody this model as follows:

1. Assess:
They assess all aspects of a situation-self, other, and situation-before deciding how to react in conversation. They examine the baggage they bring to the conversation in the form of assumptions, beliefs, moods, etc. and consciously make an effort to set a positive intention for the conversation and leave unnecessary baggage at the door. If the baggage comes along, they admit it. This could look like a manager saying, “I had a terrible morning and it has nothing to do with you. I am doing my best to leave my morning behind me and be here for our conversation.” Or, “I have a lot of emotion wrapped up in this project.”

2. Learn:
Once in conversation, coaches listen before they jump. They ask questions to learn about the situation instead of making unchecked assumptions. They speak less than the other person. They ask open-ended questions that begin with “What,” “When,” and “How” to help gather information.

3.Offer help:
Once they achieve shared understanding, coaches offer help strategically. They may share an observation, give feedback, praise, or give advice. Or, they may help someone find a new way of looking at the problem that opens up possibilities. We refer to this as recasting.

4. Action:
Finally, they help people take decisive, effective, strategic action.

Not rocket science. But not easy either. We’re simply not conditioned to behave this way in conversations. Most of us make assumptions, act on them, and leave a quick conversation with mutual misunderstanding. People often leave the same meeting with different understandings of what happened and what’s expected.

Moving at warp speed, we’ve misplaced our curiosity, believing that taking time to really understand someone will create a drag. But it’s the haphazard conversations that slow us down and challenge our success. One of the easiest ways to offend someone is to tell them “I know how you feel.” People want to feel understood, and feel seen. Telling them we know how they feel, although it may take less time and may even be sincere, only pushes brilliance further away.

While it may take some effort and practice, it’s worth it to build the capability to slow down, increase you curiosity, and really understand the person before offering help.
Get good at taking these four ALOhA steps often and you’re likely to experience the following:

• You will have a greater impact in your conversations
• People will want to help you achieve your goals
• Your company will save money on leadership coaches and team performance consultants

We invite you to inspire brilliance.
Aloha

Aloha:
Folk etymology claims that the word is derived from the
Hawaiian words alo meaning “presence”, “front”, “face”, or
“share”; and ha, meaning “breath of life” or “essence of life.”

Resources:
Brilliance Inc. eBook: Conversations for Brilliance: Tools to Help You Inspire Extraordinary Results from Yourself and Others. Click here to learn more about the eBook and purchase your copy.

Quotes:

A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue. That’s why there are so few good conversations.
~ Truman Capote

Each person’s life is lived as a series of conversations.
~ Deborah Tannen, Author