Recipe For Brilliance

by BrillianceInc | Building Teams, Career Satisfaction, Coaching, Developing Others, Employee Engagement, Leadership, Management, Newsletter Archives, Optimal Results, Personal Development, Science of Leadership, Strengths Comments | 0

Are you in the zone? You know..that place where you feel energized. Where you like going to work, where you feel a sense of fulfillment, satisfaction, and gratitude. If you’re not living there, how far away are you? Around the block? Next County? Neighboring planet? For managers, how would your employees answer?

When we ask program participants and clients about times when they felt in the zone, nearly all can name one. Barely anyone claims to there now. And survey research supports this observation. According to a Gallup poll, more than 70 percent of people are disengaged from their job.

There are several key ingredients to peak performance. Knowing them can make it easier to diagnose what’s missing.

Recipe at-a-Glance: One part S (Strengths) to four parts P (Passion, Purpose, Preferences, Progress).

One Part ‘S’

1. Strengths:
In every peak moment, you will find that you are doing what you do best. Strengths may be learned skills or innate abilities. Either way, they are things that you excel at. Sometimes it’s hard to notice your own strength because it comes easily to you. What comes easily to you – public speaking, playing music, interpersonal skills, listening, remembering and using data – is terrifyingly difficult for others. Where you exhibit grace, others stumble or exert more effort for the same or less outcomes.

Ways to determine strengths:

  • Take an inventory assessment: Gallup’s StrengthsFinder or Highlands Ability Battery are good options
  • Recall what tasks at work you do most effortlessly

Four Parts P [Read more...]

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Recognize Incremental Growth

by Denise Green | Coaching, Communication, Developing Others, Employee Engagement, Feedback, Gratitude, Management, Neuroleadership, Personal Development, Strengths Comments | 2

Instant Improvement?

This week I accompanied my husband to his Lasik (vision correction) surgery. It took me back 13 years to my own Lasik experience. Back then, I entered the Laser Eye Center building dependent on thick glasses. Less than 24 hours later, I  had 20/15 vision. In less than a day, I went from being unable to read a giant digital clock since age 7, to reading the ingredients on a shampoo bottle.

It got me thinking, if only all development was so quick and noticeable. But that kind of drastic improvement is rare (not to mention expensive and risky).

In the absence of sudden conversions, we’re often blind to our own progress until someone comments, “Hey, have you lost a few pounds?” or “You seem happier.” or “You’re listening better.” One group-coaching participant recently said to a peer, “You seem calmer in meetings.” She didn’t fully appreciate this new way of being until he named it. At the program’s end, she said that his comment was one of the most memorable and affirming moments. When others notice, our improvement becomes more real.

Reflecting Brilliance

Over the course of a few months with a coach, participants re-invent themselves gradually but certainly. One of the most important things a coach does is hold up the mirror and acknowledge real changes.

One of the greatest gifts we can give others–colleagues, friends, family– [Read more...]

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The Key to Delivering Feedback Well

by Denise Green | Authenticity, Building Teams, Coaching, Communication, Developing Others, Feedback, Management Comments | 2

Think about someone you’d like to give corrective feedback to.

Now, imagine yourself about to have a conversation with them about this thing that’s been bugging you.

I bet you feel warm and fuzzy, brimming with anticipation to have this conversation.

No?

Many of us hate the thought of giving feedback so much that we go to great lengths to avoid having the conversation. We may try other strategies to change their behavior that don’t involve actually directly talking to them about it: avoid them; hint about what bothers us; talk to other people about them; or–my personal favorite–resent them for the thing they don’t even realize they’re doing.

Perhaps, if you’re a manager, you just store up all the examples until annual performance review, where you do a surprise macabre unveiling.

That always works out well.

Why do we do this?

Are we cowards? Cruel? I don’t think that’s really it.

I think we fear that someone will get hurt. And most of us don’t relish the thought of causing pain.

There’s lots of advice about do’s and dont’s of feedback. We have a Brilliance Inc feedback delivery model: 5 steps in 30 seconds.*

But I want to talk about something more important than technique.

Intention.

You can follow all the steps you learned in Management 101 training, but if you don’t have the right mindset, you’ll fail to inspire new behaviors and you may cause more harm than good to your relationship and their engagement.

If you enter the conversation worried about causing injury, how might that affect your delivery?

You’re likely to be unclear, uncomfortable, and defensive. Plus, you’ll unconsciously deliver the message through your body language and energy that there’s something to fear. No wonder people want to hide under the desk when they hear the dreaded phrase, “Can I give you some feedback?” Bombs away!!!!!!!!!!!

A New Context About Feedback

What would happen–to you, to your message, to them–if you shifted your intention? If you entered the conversation as though you were about to unveil a gift? A gift that will help this person grow and improve how other perceive him. A gift that others were not confident or generous enough to give.

You’d likely be more at ease and they wouldn’t detect any wonky nervousness that signals a subconscious warning to raise defenses.

A Graceless Gift

I will never forget a bit of feedback I received early in my career. I was 23, a month on the job in Corporate Finance at Oracle, when the Controller stopped about a 2 feet in front of me, pointed at my mouth and said, “We have a dental plan, you know.”

I had gotten so used to my front tooth, broken when I was 8, now discolored and misshapen, that I failed to notice it. Yet, it was one of the first things people saw when I spoke or smiled. And I was so used to living on a student budget, fixing it wasn’t even on my radar.

Was his delivery graceful? No. But it was authentic and carried no ill will. Plus, his very direct approach showed that he thought enough of me to give it and enough of my confidence to say it bluntly.

Was I mortified? Perhaps. I don’t remember. I do remember that within a month, I had a new, gorgeous, tooth. And that was a true gift.

I’m not suggesting you go around directly pointing out flaws. Just stop agonizing about getting the words perfect. You’re likely to stress yourself out unnecessarily and delay (possibly permanently) delivering the helpful feedback. Instead, talk with them today, bringing an intention that you care, and that you come bearing a gift.

Good intention trumps technique every time. Technique with good intention is brilliance.


Let us know how it goes.

*Stay tuned for our free video training on delivering feedback! 5 Steps in 30 Seconds

Related Posts: Feedback that Sticks

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Feedback That Sticks

by BrillianceInc | Coaching, Communication, Developing Others, Feedback, Leadership, Management, Newsletter Archives Comments | 1

Have you ever given someone feedback that they then ignored?

Just because you offer feedback doesn’t mean that it’s accepted. Feedback done poorly can produce undesirable results: demotivating an employee and potentially damaging the relationship. Perhaps this is why so many managers fail to give feedback at all.

As you’ve probably experienced from being on the receiving side of the conversation, there is more to giving feedback then simply getting the words out. Yet, most feedback models focus more on delivering a message according to a set of rules, instead of delivering it in a way that ensures it is actually received.

Common Wisdom About Feedback

Here’s a summary of existing advice about structuring and delivering feedback:

  • Be specific: offer details for clarity
  • Be timely: don’t wait until a regularly scheduled formal review conversation
  • Give often: so it’s part of normal conversation
  • Be objective: deliver with facts and without color commentary. I.e., “In the meeting, you raised your voice, slammed your notebook shut, and walked out.” Instead of “You were very rude in the meeting.”
  • Describe the impact: What did or could result from the behavior?
  • Suggest an alternative way of approaching the situation next time

All of these suggestions are fine and helpful. But they won’t guarantee that the feedback will have the desired outcome.

Upgrading Your Feedback Delivery

We care less about the structure of feedback and more about the intent and content. Some tips on delivering feedback that sticks:

  • Give it with the intent of genuinely helping.
  • Make sure you have a trusting relationship already.
  • Maintain curiosity and ask for their point of view.
  • Frame the feedback around their brilliance and what they care about.

Let’s talk about that last item. If you do nothing else from either list, try giving feedback that honors a person’s brilliance. That is, give feedback in the context of what’s important to them, not you. For example, an employee in Corporate Finance may pride herself on submitting error-free reports. A colleague in sales may care about being factually correct as well, but what really matters most to him could be understanding and connecting with the client. The feedback you give is more likely to stick if, in these examples, you frame the feedback you give to the Finance employee around how it can forward error-free work, while talking with the Sales employee about the actions he could take to help him understand the client even more. In the same way, praise that acknowledges the areas they care about will have a much greater impact.

People rarely tell you directly what motivates them. Here are some suggestions for determining what matters most to a someone:

  • What subjects is he most passionate about?
  • Where does he seem to spend the largest percentage of his time?
  • When does he get most defensive?
  • When does he most appreciated?
  • When he describes his work, what does he focus on?
  • What assignments does he volunteer for or do most efficiently?

And, you can always ask:

  • How do you like to be known?
  • What feedback or praise has meant the most to you?
  • What part of your work is most meaningful/rewarding?
  • What feedback or praise falls flat (has the least impact)?

Connect, Calm, Caring

Instead of trying to remember a model or follow a script precisely, try connecting the feedback message to something the recipient actually cares about. That, plus a calm, caring demeanor on your part, is likely to ensure that the feedback has your desired effect.

Make sure you’re signed up for this blog so you’ll get notified about our upcoming free video training about feedback!

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Tools Are Not Enough

by Denise Green | Adapting to Change, Career Satisfaction, Coaching, Communication, Developing Others, Emotional Intelligence, Gratitude, Leadership, Management, Neuroleadership, Neuroscience, Optimal Results, Personal Development, Science of Leadership Comments | 2

Don't go it Alone

If knowledge and insight were all it took to change our habits, we could just read a great self-help book or take a course and voilà: excellence!

No Magic Wand

Sadly (for those of us who like instant gratification), it takes effort and practice to shift patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting. You’ve developed your current state over years of accidental practice and attention: it’ll take some time and effort to develop new, stronger habits (aka, neural pathways). You’ll be tested a million times a day and have a million opportunities to return to your comfort zone.

Got Support to Thrive?

This is why even coaches have coaches. We all need someone who can listen without judgment and help us see things in a way that opens up better possibilities for action. Someone who can help us stay focused and support our efforts to change. Someone who can remind us why we’re putting ourselves through the discomfort and who can highlight the small positive changes that would otherwise fail to get noticed and appreciated.

“When you’re weary, find relief. When you’re strong, find delight.”

- Martha Beck, author, coach

Before You Get Support, Build Capacity

And sometimes, even that’s not enough. Knowing the tools exist, and being able to explain the tools intellectually isn’t enough. When we are in pain — depressed, sleep deprived, injured, etc. — we need triage support to build up our resources so we have the capacity to improve. Once we’ve alleviated the acute symptoms, we can pursue higher goals.

Don’t I know it.

After my daughter was born, I suffered many months of severe sleep-deprivation and anxiety before I finally sought medical advice. I was surviving, but certainly not thriving. My brain was in a negative loop. I recall thinking that I knew how to escape my negative thoughts, but I lacked the capacity to use the tools. It took two PTSD diagnoses for me to decide that I couldn’t self-coach myself out of my state. [Read more...]

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