Don’t Believe Every Assessment You Take

As a leadership coach, you might think I’d like personality assessments. But I don’t. It’s not that they don’t have some value.  I just think that they’re more limited than people allow for: that humans are more complex than any automatic assessment can capture.

And I don’t care what their creators and promoters say about how precise they are, I get different results depending on the time of day, what’s going on my life, and how much coffee I’ve had.

Perhaps you’ve felt boxed in by one of these reports. According to at least two instruments, I’m an Introvert. And sometimes that feels true: I do sometimes like to think quietly until I’ve fleshed out my thoughts. Other times, though, I spew nascent ideas as fast as I can think them. At times I do gain energy by being alone. But after a while I need to get up and be with people.

About 7 years ago, I came across an assessment called the Highlands Ability Battery that promised to measure innate abilities that didn’t fluctuate after the age of 14.

That was when I heard the term Ambivert for this first time. Finally, I felt understood by an assessment. It was actually worth the painstaking three plus hours to take the tests.

We Ambiverts can be very confusing to others. We can be gregarious one moment, meditative the next.  We get a charge from being with people and working on a team…until we don’t.  For me, this really resonated. I can lead a day-long workshop with passion and deep empathy. After, you can find me in a fetal position in my car, recharging my batteries.

For you all you Introverts and Extroverts, I have a message: it’s not personal, and we’re not crazy.

So What Can an Ambivert Do?

Let people know about your style: that your behavior fluctuations are not about them, just about you needing to manage energy.   Be realistic about your needs. When you need to recharge, don’t feel guilty stepping away. You’ll be more useful and nice to be around when you return. And when you’re in the mood to talk out loud, say that these are early thoughts and that you’re tossing them out. On the other hand, if you need time to think before responding, say so.  People will be less confused, and will make fewer wrong assumptions about your intent.

Think you’re an Ambivert? How can you tell? What advice do you have for others?

Book: Don’t Waste Your Talent by Don Hutcheson

Our Most Useful Tool for Change

At Brilliance Inc, we’re dedicated to helping leaders change for good. Want to know how you can use our most powerful technique to get better results in any area of your life?

Watch the video to find out why no amount of will-power is enough to sustain change, unless you do this first.

And if you’re arriving here from YouTube, get the tools below the video and begin your assessment now!

While you’re here, leave a comment and SUBSCRIBE to this blog so you don’t miss valuable information and tools.

Here’s to your success!

Download the tools Right click on the “Download the tools” then click on the “Save Link As” and save the tools

Bonus: My Health Team

Here are some of the amazing resources that my beliefs about health have led me to. Please add your resources in the comments section!

Allergy & Auto-Immune

• NAET
• Dr. Ellen Cutler, BIOSET (A high-tech, modern upgrade of NAET)

Body Worker

• Sonja Sutherland Feldenkrais Berkeley

Chiropractor:

• Leo Cannone (San Leandro): 510-352-6033
• Beth Marx (Oakland) 510-834-1557

Cranial Sacral & Visceral:

• Lianne (Berkeley) 510 704-0120
• Stephanie Wilger (Berkeley & Santa Cruz)

MDs

• Morgan Camp, M.D. (balance & mojo restorer) Mill Valley, CA
• Robert Gamburd (Physiatrist and Jock Doc)
• Raj Patel (South Bay Guru and Holistic MD)

Vision Correction (Lasik)

• Laser Eye Center of Silicon Valley: Gary Kawesch

Books to Upgrade Your Beliefs About Money, Health, Aging & Possibility

• The Trance of Scarcity,
• Get Off Your ‘But‘, Sean Stephenson
• Counterclockwise, Ellen Langer

Have you ever led a meeting where you felt that participants’ minds were somewhere else? Maybe another galaxy?

Of course not. I’m sure your meetings are scintillating.

Read this, just in case.

By investing just a few minutes at the beginning of any meeting, you can greatly improve the results AND enhance teamwork and relationships.

Step One: Find Their Mind

The best meetings I’ve observed, attended, or run, always begin with a simple check in, where the meeting leader asks, “What’s going on in your life that has the potential to distract you?”

In one recent meeting, the group learned that: one person was hungry; another was nervous about a new boss starting the following day; another had a toddler at home who was getting over the flu; and another had a family member who was in critical care after being hit by a car.

Having all this messy internal dialogue out in the open helps in several ways. First, just by sharing it aloud, people are more able to let go and focus. Second, people gain a greater appreciation and empathy for others as whole people, not just colleagues or competitors. Third, it helps you facilitate the meeting with confidence instead of making bad assumptions about why someone is looking at their phone or the clock.

As a bonus, it helps you quickly assess how much trust exists on the team.

Step Two: Bring Them Back to Earth

Once everyone has shared, it’s time to orient them to the present moment and task.

First, have them focus on something sensory: their feet on the floor or ambient noise like the sound of a clock or air conditioning. This important step can take as little as 30 seconds and gets people out of the clouds of thought.

Step Three: Orient to A New, Shared Destination

In this last step, you set them up mentally for the best possible outcomes.

1. Ask them to envision an ideal outcome for the meeting as if it already happened.

2. Ask them to think silently about what quality they need to bring to this conversation. Possibilities include: patience, empathy, listening with curiosity, brevity and humor. Have them write it down.

When to Use This Process?

Do this anytime you want to enhance focus and cooperation.

Worried that you won’t have time? Ask people to share their distraction in one sentence. Then model it yourself. While they may think you’re a little wacky the first time you do it, it only takes once for people to appreciate this process. So if you’re feeling awkward, add that to your share.

As the leader, you calibrate the level of authenticity and openness when you share first.

Summary

Allowing people to be human for a few minutes at the beginning of a meeting will make a huge difference in your results.

We hire people for their skills but the whole person shows up.

- Chester Bernard

One Final Tip. Offer food and caffeine.

More Resources:

Video: Grab this video on our Facebook Welcome Page about cutting you meeting time in 1/3 . Great tips from my awesome partner and Global Leadership Coach, Heather Andersen.

Your Turn

Have you tried this? How did it work? What would you add or change? Please share!

Just Say No to “Fruitcake Praise”

Great leaders know how to praise in ways that leave people feeling truly seen and appreciated.

Not-so-great leaders may praise people, yet leave them feeling misunderstood, and even demotivated.

Wondering how your praise habits stack up against the best?

Watch this short video and in roughly 5 minutes, you’ll have all the information you need to begin inspiring anyone you meet. Plus, you’ll find out what holiday fruitcake has to do with motivating others.

Download the tool Right click on the “Download the tool” then click on the “Save Link As” and save the tool

What do the world’s most admired, effective, & fulfilled leaders have that others don’t?

LOVE.

No, not the romantic kind. This love won’t get you in trouble with Human Resources.

I’m talking about the kind of love where you genuinely care about the success and well-being of others—your family, your employees, your partners, your customers.

Love and the Bottom Line

You can tell when a company has a culture of love. Flown lately? If you flew Southwest, you probably felt it.  If you called a customer service rep at Zappos, you probably felt it.

Can you get rich without love? Sure. There are no shortage of loveless leaders and companies who treat employees and customers as means to profit. And they spend millions of wasted dollars and energy on lawsuits, PR, and high employee turnover.

Without love, you’re missing a key strategic variable because:

(STRATEGY + EXECUTION) (LOVE) = BRILLIANT RESULTS

When every other airline began charging for luggage, Southwest launched its Bags Fly Free campaign.

“We are convinced that not charging for bags wins us more customers, and therefore more revenue and more profits, as compared to doing what everybody else does, which customers universally hate. Charging for bags goes against everything we stand for.” Gary Kelly, SWA

According to Kelly, Southwest has enjoyed a 1 percent share shift since other airlines began charging bag fees. It brought an additional $1 billion to Southwest when bag fees were the only significant change in the industry, he says.

A company is stronger if it is bound by love rather than by fear.

Herb Kelleher

“Businesses often forget about the culture, and ultimately, they suffer for it because you can’t deliver good service from unhappy employees.”

Tony Hsieh, Zappos CEO

(Point of interest, Hsieh lasted 5 months at his first employer, Oracle, before deciding it wasn’t for him)

As Jack Canfield says, “Success leaves trails” so begin by learning what great leaders do, then emulate. Here are some great places to start.

• Delivering Happiness, Tony Hsieh
• Lead with Luv, A conversation between Herb Kelleher and Ken Blanchard.
• Love is the Killer App, Tim Sanders

Begin Today

Perhaps the greatest gift you can give someone is to listen with curiosity and focused, loving attention. Instead of trying to fix or correct, just listen. Instead of constantly looking at your phone or monitor, give them your full attention. When you feel like interrupting, close your mouth and take a breath. When they pause, ask  “what else?”

Love and Politics

Who else thinks we could use a little more genuine love from our politicians? As in business, politicians can choose how they attempt to inspire action (i.e. votes and money). Sadly, leaders who demonstrate  authentic love and concern for all citizenry are too rare.

If you liked (or loved) this post, please comment. Also, please tell us about your legendary leader. What did they do that made you feel the love?

Delusional Clients

I’m fortunate to partner with clients who inspire me with their courage, vision, and wit. Sadly, many of them don’t readily see what I see in them: they fail to notice the positive impact they have on others and may suffer from doubt, guilt, and loneliness.

And it’s not just top execs who suffer from this delusion.

Do You Suffer from Delusions of Smallness?

Here are some indicators:

• You fail to give yourself the same care and consideration as you give others (or your dog).
• You worry that all you’ve achieved is undeserved or ephemeral.
• You treat your body as a machine that runs on coffee and doesn’t require ample rest and rejuvenation.
• You say yes to all demands even if it means sacrificing sleep, sanity, and relationships.
• You apologize often for things outside your control, as in “I’m so sorry I didn’t respond to your 2:00 a.m. email” or “I’m so sorry it’s raining.”
• You compare yourself to others or to some ideal vision of who you think you should be.

Reality Check
No matter who you are or what you do for a living, if you ignore your body’s needs for rest, nutrition, and exercise, it will break down someday…almost certainly at a very inconvenient time and place. (Note, it’s possible, but highly unlikely, that you’ll get lucky and earn a standing ovation from 3,000 people after passing out stage as my buddy Steve Roesler did).

What You Can Do About It

• Make exercise, sleep, and healthy eating a priority. You don’t have to do this alone. Find partners–nutritionists, MDs, Sleep therapists, personal trainers etc. who can help you make lasting changes. Don’t give up until you have a thriving body with ample energy.
• Say ‘yes’ to work that is the best use of you and ‘no’ to work that can be delegated or stopped. When you delegate well you grow and inspire others.
• Recognize what is within your sphere of control and influence, and learn to accept the rest.
• Get perspective - Have a coach or HR partner interview staff to find out how you are truly perceived.
• Get networked - Leadership is lonely. Find colleagues you can talk to honestly.
• Practice gratitude. This is one of the best ways to get out of a funk. Pay thanks to everyone and anyone who helped you get where you are: teachers, coaches, bosses, professors, the BART conductor, the assembly line worker who built your car, the barrista…you get the idea.
• Eschew perfection. Stop making homemade cookies for your child’s bake sale. Outsource everything you can and focus your attention on quality time with people you care about.
• Eschew guilt. Guilt is rarely helpful and mostly toxic and unnecessary. If you find that you’ve had an integrity outage, apologize and do better. If you’re feeling guilty for not being superhuman, get over it. Examine your choices and limitations, choose how to spend your time, and move on.
• Embrace fun. Listen to vintage Steve Martin. Watch stupid YouTube videos. Go on the rides with your kid. Do whatever makes you smile and belly laugh. Take things less seriously.

Prioritize You

As you examine your long to-do list, recall that in forests, thousands of small species depend on the health and strength of the tallest trees. When you take care of yourself, everyone around you benefits.

“Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. We are all meant to shine, as children do.”

- Marianne Williamson

Medical Resource

I have the pleasure of recommending my MD, Dr. Morgan Camp who specializes in helping busy executives return their bodies to balance and find optimal health. I have first-hand knowledge that he gets people thriving quickly. His office is in Mill Valley, CA and he also consults by phone. Make yourself a priority today.

Book

The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working by Tony Schwartz

Change for Good

As an Executive Coach, my job is to help people change for good. Not everyone is ready for such a project.  Some people just want everyone around them to change instead. And others worry that if they change their behaviors, they’ll come off as inauthentic—a fake. Truth is, if you’re unable to adapt your approach to people and situations, your relationships will suffer and your career will hit a wall.

Authenticity Misunderstood

Authenticity is about being real…not rigid.  That is, it’s not about stubbornly holding on to valued personality traits—or even beliefs—that aren’t working. The most successful leaders adapt to people and situations gracefully and appropriately.

Authentically Adaptive

I once had the pleasure of working for an inspiring leader who made the difficult transition from mid-level manager to C-suite executive.  Three of his most prized personal qualities were:

• Passionate
• Gregarious
• Intelligent

Culled while growing up in the Middle-East, and honed for business in New York City, these traits were part of a mixture that propelled him to success. It wasn’t until he landed a job in Northern California, in a company culture known for being ‘nice’ and agreeable, that he rain into trouble.

With the help of a coach, he came to quickly see that people were misunderstanding his intent. People thought he was intimidating, closed-minded, and a poor listener. His communication style was masking qualities and values such as being open to influence and deep care for others. He could have claimed that these traits were “part of his DNA,” but he cared more about being effective than being rigidly right.

You Are Bigger than Your Personality

Contrary to what you might have heard, your MBTI, DiSC – or any other personality inventory score—is not etched in stone, and is certainly not an excuse for poor adaptability. You are responsible for your beliefs, values, and behaviors. And you can change them.

Assess Yourself

Authenticity requires a deep understanding of yourself. Adaptability requires a deep understanding of others: what they need and how you affect them.

Before you can make any changes, you must first get an objective assessment of what is and isn’t working. Here’s one way:

1. Make a list of valued traits that best describe you.

2. Find someone you respect, who can be objective and honest with you. If you don’t have such a person, consider using a neutral party like a coach.

3. Ask this neutral person: When does this quality work well? When does it undermine me?

For example, let’s assume you describe yourself as passionate. They might tell you that this trait:

• Works well when you devote passion to developing your team.
• Undermines you when you devote passion to winning an argument.

Authentic Advice From an Undercover FBI Agent

Still doubt whether you can be authentic and adaptive at once? This post was inspired by LaRay Quy, who wrote 5 Ways to become a more authentic leader. I suspect that if she can figure out how to call up her authentic self while serving as an undercover FBI agent, we normal folk can too.

“People can spot inauthenticity from fifty paces. Show up as yourself consistently. Unless of course, you are a jackass.”

- Susan Scott, Fierce Leadership

Other Resources

• Book: What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: Marshall Goldsmith. Learn the habits every manager needs to break to successfully transition to senior leadership

• Blog Posts:
  • Breaking Bad Habits by Denny Coates
  • 5 Ways to Become a More Authentic Leader by LaRae Quy, posted by Michael Hyatt
  • To learn whether you’re coachable, check out this great blog post by Steve Roesler: 5 Ways to be Coachable

We’d like to hear from you!

How do you adapt your favorite personality traits to people and situations? We’d love to know!

(This post may look a little long because it’s packed with juicy quotes and ideas for you to put into practice.)

Dr. Jekyll

Most of us like to think we’re good people and that, if put in an unethical or dangerous situation, we’d do the right, noble thing. We claim assuredly that if given power, we’d wield it fairly; or that we’d call the police if we saw someone getting abused.

Perhaps.

But study after troubling study shows that the majority of us, when put in certain difficult circumstances, would act in ways we’d later be ashamed of. The truth is, while on the fringes of society we can talk about saints and sociopaths, we are all capable of good and evil.

Mr. Hyde

I had the pleasure of listening to Philip Zimbardo at a recent Neuroleadership Conference. Since then, I’ve been thinking a lot about good and evil. While you may not recognize his name, you’re probably familiar with his infamous 1971 Stanford Prison Experiment where normal, healthy people cast as guards became sadistic authoritarians, while those cast as prisoners became hopeless and traumatized. The 2-week simulation experiment was cut short after just 6 days.

People aren’t born heroes. Our brains run on a 100,000-year-old operating that errs on the side of self-protection and suspicion. Scientists literally refer to it as negativity bias. Put in a threatening situation, our brain makes saving ourselves top priority.

While it may not be our default nature to act in others’ best interest, we can retrain ourselves. We can build a heroic brain and become the person we’d like to be — the person we claim to be. And when we act heroically, we improve our home environment, work environment, and communities. In essence, we improve the lives of everyone we touch, including our own.

Here are some essential hero-building steps:

Building Heroic Muscles

1. First: acknowledge your fallibility. Ignoring our dark self self doesn’t make it go away. It just hides until one day in a weak moment it inconveniently emerges (like Mel Gibson getting caught in a drunken, racist rant, or a sanctimonious AWOL politician found Tango-ing with his mistress in Argentina). It doesn’t do us any good to label deeds, thoughts, or people as evil. Rather, know that any person is capable of making bad choices that can create horrible irreversible ripples.

2. Second, notice your ripple. Done anything you’re not proud of? Maybe you raised your voice at your child, or rolled your eyes in a meeting. Or maybe you just forgot to thank someone for their efforts. Stop shaming yourself (or making excuses) and get to work by first apologizing, and then doing better.

3. Third: start practicing small acts of kindness. You become what you practice. Put a Tibetan monk in an MRI, and you’ll see a brain that’s trained to tilt heavily toward compassion and kindness. But you don’t have to meditate to re-train your brain. And you don’t have to be anyone special to be a hero. We often think of heroes as extraordinary people doing big things. But, as Zimbardo explains, heroes are ordinary people acting selflessly to protect or improve the lives of others. Heroes take positive action, where others stand by and justify their inaction.

Here are some small actions that can go a long way toward improving others’ lives:

- Listen to someone without judgment.

- Compliment someone you care about (without expecting anything in return).

- Compliment a stranger (without expecting anything in return).

- Ask the cashier how her day is going…then listen.

- Give your change to someone in need.

- Talk to the shy person at the holiday party.

- When talk about someone turns negative, instead of piling on, say something kind.

- Stop and give a confused tourist directions.

- Listen to your partner, your child, your mother –anyone you think you know well — with genuine curiosity and wonder.

- Instead of getting angry or blaming someone at work when something fails, assume good intent, pick up the phone or walk over to them, and seek to understand their point of view.

- If you like to talk, keep your views to yourself in your next meeting and ask others for their opinions. Then listen without interrupting.

- Thank someone.

- Apologize.

- Forgive someone you’ve held a grudge against.

- Forgive yourself.

- Admit your mistakes.

- Acknowledge your weaknesses.

- For every holiday gift you purchase, add a small (or big) donation to a trusted charity like Oxfam who will make the most of your gift so that it improves lives.

Ta-Da, Brilliance!

With practice, you’ll break free of your default inertia and find that acting positively comes naturally. You also run a serious risk of creating an engaging, trusting work environment where people are free to speak and act without fear.

— — — — —

Quotes

“If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them.

But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.

And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?”

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago

— — — — —

“With the benefit of hindsight, I wish I had done more.”

- Joe Paterno

— — — — —

Legend

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied,

“The one you feed.”

Video:

Phil Zimbardo talks about his new mission: The Heroic Imagination Project

Check out our related post: How to Tell if You Work in a Fear Ridden Environment with to-do list for the courageous manager

We’d love to hear from you!

- What small gesture has made a positive difference in your life?

- Which small act will you begin taking today?

- What other small heroic acts do you recommend?

Which mood will it be?

Had any negative thoughts recently that you just couldn’t seem to shake?

Maybe someone cut you off in traffic and it bugged you the whole commute. Or maybe the company issued yet another dictum that had you steaming all day. Or maybe you keep running a frustrating conversation over and over again in your mind. Ever get home and dump accumulated frustration on the closest innocent victim?

Blame it on your left brain.

Actually, make that a peanut-sized area of your left brain.

Our left brain is our story-teller. Its job is to make sense of moment-by-moment inputs. And since it never has all the data it needs, it fills in the gaps, weaving so seamlessly that the story in our head feels like the inescapable truth. The cells that comprise this story-teller part of our brain are about the size of a peanut. Yet, they do their job so well, we ride along as if we had no choice, letting it loop and continually flood our bodies with cortisol and other stress-related chemicals.

According to Jill Bolte-Taylor — brain scientist, stroke survivor, and author — getting hooked on emotionally charged narratives of anger, resentment, guilt, shame, or fear for long periods can have devastating consequences on our physical and mental well-being because of the powerful ways they affect our emotional and physiological circuitry.

It’s vital to our health and relationships that we learn how to experience the emotion and then shift away.

And if you’re in a leadership role (at work or home), it’s vital to the mental and physical health of everyone around you because a leader’s mood is contagious.

90 Seconds of Pain

One of my favorite insights from Taylor’s book, My Stroke of Insight, is that it takes 90 seconds for an emotionally-charged thought to move through the body. In those 90 seconds you may have symptoms like shortness of breath, jaw tension, chest-ache, a strong desire to choke someone (to name a few) while the thought-induced chemicals move through your cells. After 90 seconds, the blood stream is clear of it.

So why don’t we feel better after 90 seconds?

If allowed, the peanut-brain will keep weaving a story and keep dumping stress chemicals into the body. You have to interrupt the story and redirect your attention. You have to take control.

5 Steps to Shift the Barreling Thought-Train to a Better Track

1. Notice the thought

Before you can shift away from the damaging story, you have to notice that your brain is telling a story! Most of us let our thoughts drive us instead of making conscious decisions about what we think.

2. Bring your attention to your body

Allow your body to experience the reaction. What part of your body is affected? For me, my facial muscles tense and my breath gets shallow. Then, move your attention to your feet and feel your feet against your shoes. Take a deep breath, notice sounds and smells in the room.

3. Deliberately shift to a different thought that brings a sense of ease and pleasure. Bolte-Taylor suggests thinking about one of the following:

• something fascinating or
• something that brings you joy or
• something you would like to do

4.  Feel the new physical sensations. Once you’ve jumped off the negative loop, allow the tense muscles to loosen and notice what peace feels like in your body.

5. Repeat. You’ll have ample opportunities to practice. Over time, you can make the shift quicker, and more often, resulting in better mental and physical health, freeing you up to share your talents and positively affect others.

These steps are immensely harder to do when you are sleep-deprived or otherwise incapacitated. Check out our recent post — Tools Are Not Enough — about seeking support from many directions so you can take control of your moods and your life.

Some Resources

Complimentary thought-shifting tool that we use with our clients

Related posts: Best Director

Video: Jill Bolte-Taylor’s inspirational, memorable TEDtalk

Book: My Stroke of Insight (Kindle, Bound, or Audio): This is going on my must-read book list for humans. I dare you to read it and fail to find insights you can use to improve your life.

“If I want to retain my inner peace, I must be willing to consistently and persistently tend the garden of my mind moment by moment, and be willing to make the decision a thousand times a day.”

- Jill Bolte Taylor, My Stroke of Insight

Below is an image I conjure to hit the brakes and switch tracks. The construction history fascinates me and the vacation memories bring me joy.

What works for you?

Brunelleschi's Duomo

Don't go it Alone

If knowledge and insight were all it took to change our habits, we could just read a great self-help book or take a course and voilà: excellence!

No Magic Wand

Sadly (for those of us who like instant gratification), it takes effort and practice to shift patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting. You’ve developed your current state over years of accidental practice and attention: it’ll take some time and effort to develop new, stronger habits (aka, neural pathways). You’ll be tested a million times a day and have a million opportunities to return to your comfort zone.

Got Support to Thrive?

This is why even coaches have coaches. We all need someone who can listen without judgment and help us see things in a way that opens up better possibilities for action. Someone who can help us stay focused and support our efforts to change. Someone who can remind us why we’re putting ourselves through the discomfort and who can highlight the small positive changes that would otherwise fail to get noticed and appreciated.

“When you’re weary, find relief. When you’re strong, find delight.”

- Martha Beck, author, coach

Before You Get Support, Build Capacity

And sometimes, even that’s not enough. Knowing the tools exist, and being able to explain the tools intellectually isn’t enough. When we are in pain — depressed, sleep deprived, injured, etc. — we need triage support to build up our resources so we have the capacity to improve. Once we’ve alleviated the acute symptoms, we can pursue higher goals.

Don’t I know it.

After my daughter was born, I suffered many months of severe sleep-deprivation and anxiety before I finally sought medical advice. I was surviving, but certainly not thriving. My brain was in a negative loop. I recall thinking that I knew how to escape my negative thoughts, but I lacked the capacity to use the tools. It took two PTSD diagnoses for me to decide that I couldn’t self-coach myself out of my state.

My brain is now healed and I once again feel vibrant, thanks to some great practitioners.

You don’t have to settle for less than excellence. Get the support you deserve.

Resources

Get Support: Find a Coach

• New Ventures West: A global resource founded in the Bay Area (Note: Brilliance Inc. founders are graduates)
• Brilliance Inc: Work with Heather Andersen or Denise Green
• Ask someone you admire who they would recommend
  • Here’s a plug for my coach Judith Duhl, great for career transitions and life-coaching

Build Capacity: Get Your Brain and Body Back in Harmony

Dr.’s in The Bay Area (and my hero’s in health). These amazing people have EQ and crazy-good skills.

• Dr. Raj Patel (South Bay/Peninsula) – Holistic MD
• Dr. Morgan Camp (Mill Valley) – Holistic MD
• Dr. Robert Gamburd - Physiatrist (Sports Medicine)

Video: I love this short video where author Tony Schwartz offers unconventional and really useful advice to help us all thrive. Here’s a hint:

“If you don’t eat for 5 days, you’ll be hungry; if you don’t sleep well for 5 days, you’ll be psychotic.”

- Tony Schwartz

Article: Via author and neuroleadership guru David Rock, this article describes our brains under depression

Tool: When you’re ready to thrive, try our complimentary and powerful Thoughts Upgrade Tool to help shift your attention to create better results in any area of your life.

Our last post featured excerpts from the late David Foster Wallace, one of the most respected and revered writers of our time. He suffered from severe depression and when the treatments failed him after 20 years, he chose a final tragic escape. He left behind a treasure of work.

Please share any resources you recommend to help people survive and thrive.