Cultivating Leaders
‘Tis the season of giving and receiving. Although gift-givers may have thoughtful intentions, it’s rare that we receive a gift that speaks to our heart – that leaves us feeling truly seen, understood, and appreciated.
With this Holiday Edition, we offer a way to end the year ceremoniously, with heart and meaning.
You may want to grab a notebook or blank sheet of paper (electronic or old-fashioned) [Read more...]
Instant Improvement?
This week I accompanied my husband to his Lasik (vision correction) surgery. It took me back 13 years to my own Lasik experience. Back then, I entered the Laser Eye Center building dependent on thick glasses. Less than 24 hours later, I had 20/15 vision. In less than a day, I went from being unable to read a giant digital clock since age 7, to reading the ingredients on a shampoo bottle.
It got me thinking, if only all development was so quick and noticeable. But that kind of drastic improvement is rare (not to mention expensive and risky).
In the absence of sudden conversions, we’re often blind to our own progress until someone comments, “Hey, have you lost a few pounds?” or “You seem happier.” or “You’re listening better.” One group-coaching participant recently said to a peer, “You seem calmer in meetings.” She didn’t fully appreciate this new way of being until he named it. At the program’s end, she said that his comment was one of the most memorable and affirming moments. When others notice, our improvement becomes more real.
Reflecting Brilliance
Over the course of a few months with a coach, participants re-invent themselves gradually but certainly. One of the most important things a coach does is hold up the mirror and acknowledge real changes.
One of the greatest gifts we can give others–colleagues, friends, family– [Read more...]
Don't go it Alone
If knowledge and insight were all it took to change our habits, we could just read a great self-help book or take a course and voilà: excellence!
No Magic Wand
Sadly (for those of us who like instant gratification), it takes effort and practice to shift patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting. You’ve developed your current state over years of accidental practice and attention: it’ll take some time and effort to develop new, stronger habits (aka, neural pathways). You’ll be tested a million times a day and have a million opportunities to return to your comfort zone.
Got Support to Thrive?
This is why even coaches have coaches. We all need someone who can listen without judgment and help us see things in a way that opens up better possibilities for action. Someone who can help us stay focused and support our efforts to change. Someone who can remind us why we’re putting ourselves through the discomfort and who can highlight the small positive changes that would otherwise fail to get noticed and appreciated.
“When you’re weary, find relief. When you’re strong, find delight.”
- Martha Beck, author, coach
Before You Get Support, Build Capacity
And sometimes, even that’s not enough. Knowing the tools exist, and being able to explain the tools intellectually isn’t enough. When we are in pain — depressed, sleep deprived, injured, etc. — we need triage support to build up our resources so we have the capacity to improve. Once we’ve alleviated the acute symptoms, we can pursue higher goals.
Don’t I know it.
After my daughter was born, I suffered many months of severe sleep-deprivation and anxiety before I finally sought medical advice. I was surviving, but certainly not thriving. My brain was in a negative loop. I recall thinking that I knew how to escape my negative thoughts, but I lacked the capacity to use the tools. It took two PTSD diagnoses for me to decide that I couldn’t self-coach myself out of my state. [Read more...]
What do the world’s most admired, effective, & fulfilled leaders have that others don’t?
LOVE.
No, not the romantic kind.
The kind of love that won’t get you in trouble with Human Resources.
The kind of love where you genuinely care about the success and well-being of others—your family, your employees, your partners, your customers.
Love and the Bottom Line
You can tell when a company has a culture of love. Flown lately? If you flew Southwest, you probably felt it. If you called a customer service rep at Zappos, you probably felt it.
Can you get rich without love? Sure. There are no shortage of loveless leaders and companies who treat employees and customers as means to profit. And they spend millions of wasted dollars and energy on lawsuits, PR, and high employee turnover.
Without love, you are missing a key variable.
(STRATEGY + EXECUTION) (LOVE) = BRILLIANT LEADERSHIP
When every other airline began charging for luggage, Southwest launched its Bags Fly Free campaign.
“We are convinced that not charging for bags wins us more customers, and therefore more revenue and more profits, as compared to doing what everybody else does, which customers universally hate. Charging for bags goes against everything we stand for.” Gary Kelly, SWA
According to Kelly, Southwest has enjoyed a 1 percent share shift since other airlines began charging bag fees. It brought an additional $1 billion to Southwest when bag fees were the only significant change in the industry, he says.
A company is stronger if it is bound by love rather than by fear.
Herb Kelleher
“Businesses often forget about the culture, and ultimately, they suffer for it because you can’t deliver good service from unhappy employees.”
Tony Hsieh, Zappos CEO
(Point of interest, Hsieh lasted 5 months at his first employer, Oracle before deciding it wasn’t for him)
As Jack Canfield says, “Success leaves trails” so begin by learning what great leaders do, then emulate. Here are some great places to start.
Begin Today [Read more...]
Honor Your Limitations
As we begin another turn around the sun, it seems proper to focus on possibilities and opportunities—on our limitless nature. Having never been accused of being proper or conventional, I’d rather talk about limitations. Plus, now that we’re well into February, the shiny coating on your resolutions may be showing some dullness, letting in a ray of reality.
Limitations get an undeserved bad reputation. Without limits—constraints—we’d lack focus, purpose, direction. We would say yes to everything, run ourselves out of energy and into the ground.
Those who know me well, know that I am not afraid to say no—no to people, events, tasks—anything that feels like an energy drainer. I try to live by a philosophy of striving for maximum results with the minimal output of effort. I have not always done this gracefully. Once, when I began a new job, I ignored back pain, not wanting to ask for time off, and ended up in the hospital. To live more honestly and fully, I’ve had to discover my strengths and weaknesses and respect all of it. I’ve had to learn to pay fierce attention to my body’s signals—intuitive and physical— then listen and abide.
When we ignore our limitations, we overburden ourselves and diminish our capacity to do what matters most and to share our most profound gifts with others.
Some signs you may be ignoring your limitations:
If you experience some of the signs perhaps it’s time to step back and take inventory of your limitations: which ones are you ignoring, hoping they will disappear or convert to strengths through some undiscovered alchemy?
I am still working on finding a balance—saying no and yes in a way that best serves me, my family, my intentions, and the world. Two things I know: 1) I will have ample opportunities to practice, and 2) I will have ample limitations to remind me what matters and what’s worth doing.
Each of us has different strengths and constraints. Heck, even superheroes have limiting forces. Imagine if Superman ignored his allergy to kryptonite and told himself instead to “suck it up and move on.” If you don’t figure out what matters most—what deserves most of your attention, and what most constrains you, you may someday find out the hard way.
If you don’t have constant physical reminders of your mortality and limitations, you may have to try even harder to create boundaries so you can focus your attention in ways that serves you and the world.
Exercise and Questions for the Willing
A “no” uttered from the deepest conviction is better and greater than a “yes” merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
- Mahatma Gandhi
Happy Valentines Day!
From the Heart,
Denise
Thanks to Risë Venditti for her insight while Heather is on maternity leave with her two healthy bundles of love and limits, Ella and Charlie.
Here are some of my (very mortal) limiting forces and attempts to mitigate them
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Physical Limitations: - I have an incomplete hip socket that will warrant a rebuild - I have scoliosis and other related quirky skeletal shapes - In 1992, I broke my back and body in a car accident. - I suffer from bouts of insomnia and exhaustion - I have food sensitivities (that in 1998 resulted in an auto-immune disease response) - I naturally have poor vision and dry eyes
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Mitigating Response - I wear flat shoes - I make regular visits to healers: acupuncture, Feldenkrais, Cranial Sacral, Chiropractic. - IDET back surgery in 1998 - NAET and Bioset to reverse the allergies - Lasik in 1998 - Herbs…and Advil. |
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Relational Responsibilities - I’m a wife, daughter, sister, mother, dog mom, and business partner. - I am really sensitive to images of violence, hatred, and suffering. - I have a daughter with celiac and dogs in remission from cancer and pancreatitis, none of whom can drive
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- I say no to events, classes, seminars, clubs, associations, etc. that don’t serve a clear, immediate need that I can translate into value for my well-being, my family, or clients. - I spend quality time with my family including daily walks with my dogs - I watch no toxic television or movies, including the news.
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Talent and Style Limitations - I’m impatient and impulsive - I prefer creative and big picture work over details |
- I partner with the amazing Heather Andersen, who has different strengths, background, and interests.(and limitations) - I always have a talented friend proofread and edit before I send important work out. |
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Other: - Mortgage (Bay Area), Bills, Taxes - Only 24 hours in a day
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- I do work that I love - I have one beloved child, with plans for no others. - I have child care. - I often refer clients whose problem could be solved better and faster by someone in my network. - I delegate research o E.g. Jennifer for food and wine, Moo for cars, Travel Agent Eliot Saferty for vacations, Amazon.com for recommendations, and Twitter to follow smart people and keep abreast of latest studies, writings, and ideas in my field. - I have a good, patient accountant
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