Dia de Los Muertos

On this Day of the Dead (aka All Souls Day), I celebrate another birthday.

I love my birthday.

I often marvel when people lament their birthdays. It’s not that I don’t understand where they might be coming from. I don’t romanticize growing older.  I know that birthdays can remind us that we’re drawing closer to our death. But that’s true of every moment, and you don’t hear people complaining every 5 minutes that they’re closing in on death.

Reflecting on why I might have a somewhat unusual context about aging, I recall my Grandma Dori’s frequent saying about birthdays: “It sure beats the alternative.”

My context is influenced not just by my family, by my own health history which has a bit of a Benjamin Button quality about it so far. I began life needing to have my hip rebuilt. At age 6 my vision got bad enough to warrant thick glasses. At 22, I was in an car accident and broke my back, which led to over a decade of pain and sciatica. At 27, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis.

So, while my contemporaries were thriving physically in their 20s, I was trying to heal physical conditions often associated with old age.*

Seeking treatment for these conditions led me to a world I would have never sought had I been pain free. As a result, I discovered healers and treatments–Western, Eastern, Ancient, and High Tech–that many people don’t know exist. And I discovered this truth:

Your thoughts about what’s possible will greatly affect your health.

That is, if you believe that you can get better, you will look with fervor. And with this tenacious seeking, you’re likely to find something that helps. And conversely, if you believe you’re stuck with what you’ve got, you’re unlikely to seek and find.

Sure, I have aches and pains. In fact, as I write this I’m nursing a knee injury and trying to get over a nasty cold and adrenal fatigue.  But in the big picture, I have perfect vision, a strong hip, no auto-immune disease, and no sciatic pain.

Check your beliefs about pain, suffering, and aging. Then square them against this fact:

Science has found no biological markers for determining an individual’s age.

Here’s to your health and many happy, thriving days ahead!

Books:

• Counterclockwise by Ellen Langer
• My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor
• You’re Only Old Once! A Book for Obsolete Children by Dr. Suess
• Say Goodbye to Illness by Dr. Devi Nambudipad

Related Links:

Want to Thrive? Ask Delusional Questions This post contains links to some of my healing heroes

Rest in peace, Betty

Additional Healing Resources for Our Animal Companions

Book: The Nature of Animal Healing

Oakland Vet: Creature Comfort, Holistic Animal Center

For dogs with cruciate (ACL) injuries: Woundwear harnesses.

* All of my conditions are relatively common: I’m so grateful to have been born into a time and place where treatments exist and to be fortunate enough to have access to affordable insurance.

Please share your healing stories and resources!

“What are you pretending not to know?”

- Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations

Cracks in the Foundation

My house in Oakland was built in 1924 on a steep downward slope. When someone would ask if my house had a bolted foundation, I’d say something like “Oh, I’m sure it must” and would change the subject. I liked to assume that, since a lot of renovations had taken place before we moved in, someone must have fixed it.  The fact that someone had actually sealed off any access to the foundation made it easier for me to ignore it: can’t assess what you can’t see.

For a while, this avoidance strategy saved me money. Then, a crack in the foundation revealed itself. And over the course of a year, with a few minor earthquakes, and good ol’ gravity, the crack grew. It grew until one day, I decided to pull my head out of the sand and bring in an expert to tell me what I had.

Expert Deniers

We humans are really good at ignoring cracks in all sorts of foundations: the body that we keep pushing until we suffer a debilitating injury or illness; the resentment that we allow to fester until the relationship is beyond repair; the key employee that we ignore until they quit and sign up with the competition; the waistline that grows until we can’t button our skinny pants…then our fat pants.

The laundry…

Just in Time

The General Contractor told me that, while half of my house had a new bolted foundation, the other half was sitting (and sliding) on an original slab.

The work to replace the foundation took just 13 days. Five days after completion, we had an earthquake and aftershock with an epicenter less than 10 miles away. We were jolted but the house didn’t suffer a single crack.

Sure, I would have liked to have spent the money elsewhere, but the feeling of strength, stability, and security I gained was worth it.

Facing the Truth

Pulling your head out of the sand and shining light on the thing that scares you takes courage. And once you do, you can begin to take steps to repair. Until then, you are powerless to improve your situation, and you continue to skid in the wrong direction.

Questions for Reflection

1. What problems am I ignoring in my:

• Health
• Relationships
• Reputation
• Happiness
• Finances
• Career

2. What’s the story I tell myself that helps me ignore the truth?
3. What will happen in 6 months if I change nothing?
4. What’s most vital that I change?
5. What’s the most potent first step I can take toward improving it?
6. Whose help do I want to enlist to support me?*

* Don’t even think of going it alone. Find a friend, coach, mental or physical health practitioner, or a class to support you as you begin to change the goblin before it becomes unruly.

Here’s a ‘during’ and ‘after’ shot of my house. The excellent work was done by All Seasons Construction.

Balancing on a stack of boards.

Solid as a rock.

Related Blog: Guru Michael Hyatt shares his advice on making the most of a near crisis in this great post.

]]> http://brillianceinc.com/facingthethingthatscaresyou/feed/ 2 http://brillianceinc.com/recipe-for-brilliance/ http://brillianceinc.com/recipe-for-brilliance/#comments Wed, 14 Sep 2011 20:56:04 +0000 BrillianceInc http://brillianceinc.com/blog/?p=51 Are you in the zone? You know..that place where you feel energized. Where you like going to work, where you feel a sense of fulfillment, satisfaction, and gratitude. If you’re not living there, how far away are you? Around the block? Next County? Neighboring planet? For managers, how would your employees answer?

When we ask program participants and clients about times when they felt in the zone, nearly all can name one. Barely anyone claims to there now. And survey research supports this observation. According to a Gallup poll, more than 70 percent of people are disengaged from their job.

There are several key ingredients to peak performance. Knowing them can make it easier to diagnose what’s missing.

Recipe at-a-Glance: One part S (Strengths) to four parts P (Passion, Purpose, Preferences, Progress).

One Part ‘S’

1. Strengths:
In every peak moment, you will find that you are doing what you do best. Strengths may be learned skills or innate abilities. Either way, they are things that you excel at. Sometimes it’s hard to notice your own strength because it comes easily to you. What comes easily to you – public speaking, playing music, interpersonal skills, listening, remembering and using data – is terrifyingly difficult for others. Where you exhibit grace, others stumble or exert more effort for the same or less outcomes.

Ways to determine strengths:

• Take an inventory assessment: Gallup’s StrengthsFinder or Highlands Ability Battery are good options
• Recall what tasks at work you do most effortlessly

Four Parts P

1. Passion:
Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you like doing it.

Ways to determine passion:

• What tasks do you rarely procrastinate?
• When you do procrastinate, what do you tend to work on instead?
• What projects, work, tasks, do you volunteer or readily take on?
• If you could go back to school now, what would you major in?
• If money were no concern, how would you fill your days?

2. Purpose:
Whether you’re making a difference within a home, a company, or more broadly in the world, you feel like your contribution matters.

Ways to get clear about your purpose:

• What would I do if money were no object?
• What am I here to do?
• How can I add value to others and the world at large?
• How would I like to be remembered?
• What are the three most important lessons I would like to pass on to my children?

3. Preferences:
If your work doesn’t fit your personal preferences, you won’t feel motivated.

Preferences may include working:

• Alone or on a team
• In an office or at home
• At a fast or slow pace
• With a flexible or predictable schedule
• In a quiet or sound-filled environment

Of all the ingredients, this is the one that most fluctuates over time. What matters one day may change the next. Perhaps you were fine with working 60 hours a week when you just graduated college. But not now. Or, maybe a consulting job with lots of travel worked well until you had a child. Now, not so much. Or maybe now that you’re a parent you’d like to travel more!

4. Progress

In August, 2011, Harvard’s Teresa Amabile and Psychologist Steven Kramer published their book The Progress Principle, where they share their findings from a data-rich study of over 200 people in 7 countries. Dan Pink, author of Drive, calls it the best business book he’s read in years. The authors amassed 12,000 days worth of data from study participants and reported fascinating conclusions about what really motivates people at work, and conversely, what chokes creativity and engagement. They found that what motivates people most is making progress on meaningful work. And sadly, they also found that these valued “small wins” are too rare. What can you do? Amabile suggests:

• “Religiously protect at least 20 minutes – and, ideally, much more – every day, to tackle something in the work that matters most to you. Hide in an empty conference room, if you have to, or sneak out in disguise to a nearby coffee shop.
• Make note of any progress you made (even if it was a small win), and decide where to pick up again the next day.”

We also suggest that you

• Allow yourself to really savor the accomplishment, by pausing and letting a sense of satisfaction penetrate you…before you jump back on the hamster wheel. (like savoring clicking the “Publish” button on a blog).

Managers!

• Ask your employees how easy it is to make progress on meaningful work (on a scale of 0-10)
• Ask what gets in the way
• Ask what ideas they have for removing obstacles
• Support them in removing obstacles and check back often to recalibrate

Living Brilliantly

When life feels a little bitter or salty, take a look at the recipe for brilliance. Compare it to your life. Figure out what’s missing and take steps to get it more in balance.

We don’t mean to oversimplify. Taking steps to add a dash of anything may take incredible efforts. This is where it may make sense to find a coaching partner to help you bring some brilliance back to your life. An effective coach knows that living brilliantly involves more than creating quality work. To really feel “in the zone” you need to build a strong foundation of support in all aspects of your life, for example, good health, quality rest, fulfilling relationships, and fun. Every individual has a unique recipe that leads to ultimate fulfillment.

Note, if life feels sweet, just relax and savor.

Managers: this is the key to career development coaching. Many of your staff could use help figuring out how to get in the zone. They may feel awkward admitting to you that their job situation isn’t optimal. You can help by actively helping people develop more of a balance in their recipe.

Recommended Reading

The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz (2004)

Don’t Waste Your Talent: The 8 Critical Steps To Discovering What You Do Best by Bob McDonald, Don E. Hutcheson, Lazar Emanuel, and Thomas N. Tavantzis (2005)

Go Put Your Strengths to Work: 6 Powerful Steps to Achieve Outstanding Performance by Marcus Buckingham (2007)

Now, Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton (2001)

The Progress Principle: Using Small Wins to Ignite Joy, Engagement, and Creativity at Work by Amabile and Steven Kramer

Note: This is an updated version of the original, first published in our ebook, Conversations for Brilliance. This version was amended to include the very important fourth P, progress on meaningful work.

Which mood will it be?

Had any negative thoughts recently that you just couldn’t seem to shake?

Maybe someone cut you off in traffic and it bugged you the whole commute. Or maybe the company issued yet another dictum that had you steaming all day. Or maybe you keep running a frustrating conversation over and over again in your mind. Ever get home and dump accumulated frustration on the closest innocent victim?

Blame it on your left brain.

Actually, make that a peanut-sized area of your left brain.

Our left brain is our story-teller. Its job is to make sense of moment-by-moment inputs. And since it never has all the data it needs, it fills in the gaps, weaving so seamlessly that the story in our head feels like the inescapable truth. The cells that comprise this story-teller part of our brain are about the size of a peanut. Yet, they do their job so well, we ride along as if we had no choice, letting it loop and continually flood our bodies with cortisol and other stress-related chemicals.

According to Jill Bolte-Taylor — brain scientist, stroke survivor, and author — getting hooked on emotionally charged narratives of anger, resentment, guilt, shame, or fear for long periods can have devastating consequences on our physical and mental well-being because of the powerful ways they affect our emotional and physiological circuitry.

It’s vital to our health and relationships that we learn how to experience the emotion and then shift away.

And if you’re in a leadership role (at work or home), it’s vital to the mental and physical health of everyone around you because a leader’s mood is contagious.

90 Seconds of Pain

One of my favorite insights from Taylor’s book, My Stroke of Insight, is that it takes 90 seconds for an emotionally-charged thought to move through the body. In those 90 seconds you may have symptoms like shortness of breath, jaw tension, chest-ache, a strong desire to choke someone (to name a few) while the thought-induced chemicals move through your cells. After 90 seconds, the blood stream is clear of it.

So why don’t we feel better after 90 seconds?

If allowed, the peanut-brain will keep weaving a story and keep dumping stress chemicals into the body. You have to interrupt the story and redirect your attention. You have to take control.

5 Steps to Shift the Barreling Thought-Train to a Better Track

1. Notice the thought

Before you can shift away from the damaging story, you have to notice that your brain is telling a story! Most of us let our thoughts drive us instead of making conscious decisions about what we think.

2. Bring your attention to your body

Allow your body to experience the reaction. What part of your body is affected? For me, my facial muscles tense and my breath gets shallow. Then, move your attention to your feet and feel your feet against your shoes. Take a deep breath, notice sounds and smells in the room.

3. Deliberately shift to a different thought that brings a sense of ease and pleasure. Bolte-Taylor suggests thinking about one of the following:

• something fascinating or
• something that brings you joy or
• something you would like to do

4.  Feel the new physical sensations. Once you’ve jumped off the negative loop, allow the tense muscles to loosen and notice what peace feels like in your body.

5. Repeat. You’ll have ample opportunities to practice. Over time, you can make the shift quicker, and more often, resulting in better mental and physical health, freeing you up to share your talents and positively affect others.

These steps are immensely harder to do when you are sleep-deprived or otherwise incapacitated. Check out our recent post — Tools Are Not Enough — about seeking support from many directions so you can take control of your moods and your life.

Some Resources

Complimentary thought-shifting tool that we use with our clients

Related posts: Best Director

Video: Jill Bolte-Taylor’s inspirational, memorable TEDtalk

Book: My Stroke of Insight (Kindle, Bound, or Audio): This is going on my must-read book list for humans. I dare you to read it and fail to find insights you can use to improve your life.

“If I want to retain my inner peace, I must be willing to consistently and persistently tend the garden of my mind moment by moment, and be willing to make the decision a thousand times a day.”

- Jill Bolte Taylor, My Stroke of Insight

Below is an image I conjure to hit the brakes and switch tracks. The construction history fascinates me and the vacation memories bring me joy.

What works for you?

Brunelleschi's Duomo

There’s a lot of great advice to women about how to get ahead: how to have it all, do it all, and look great all the while.

I would like to add one more piece of advice to corporate women: wear comfortable footwear.

That’s right.

Gorgeous Torture

For some time, this topic had been a niggling thought. Then I went over the edge into official annoyance after reading an op-ed piece by one of my favorite journalists, Maureen Dowd, when, in a piece about France’s Christine Lagard — Minister of Economic Affairs, Finances, and Industry — she found it necessary to describe her beige patent Christian Louboutin high heels (pictured right). It’s not just Dowd: it’s the norm. Once I began looking, I noticed that reports of women in leadership often include descriptions of their appearance.

Watch the news and you’ll see female politicians striving to strike just the right balance between power and femininity. They are subjected to scrutiny that their frumpier male counterparts rarely get. Can you imagine Newt getting reamed for big ankles or Obama for wearing last year’s suit? And can you imagine any of them stumping in stilettos?

My beef is actually not with the journalists. It’s with the shoes.

Here’s why this matters. I don’t care what you say; high heels are not comfortable. They contort your feet, toes, legs, and pelvis into unnatural positions and force your weight onto the ball of your foot. And a new study shows that they likely contribute to osteoarthritis.

I’m not making a feminist argument. I’m arguing on behalf of your brain.

An Unnecessary Disadvantage

Leadership is a competitive sport — one that requires you channel your mental and physical energy reserves for optimal performance.

All brain’s have limited reserves of attention. The more discomfort you feel, the more distracted your brain, and the harder it has to work. I AM NOT saying that women in heels are less smart. I AM saying that there is a cost. And businessmen never have to pay it (at least, not until they leave the office, and what they do at home is private — unless they Tweet about it).

So, why do we wear them? Let’s face it: they are lovely and they help us look and feel beautiful. Were it not for sciatica and a hip deformation, I’d probably still be wearing them.

Williams Girl Power

Worried that you won’t feel beautiful without the shoes? For inspiration, think of these powerful sisters who manage to be feminine and stylish on and off the field (but who save the heels for after the competition).

Shoes Are Just the Beginning

What are you saying yes to — for beauty or anything else — that no longer serves you? What are you saying yes to that results in resentment, pain, or distraction?

Here are Some Examples of Unnecessary Distractions:

- Home-baked cookies and cupcakes (when all you really had time for was a trip to Safeway)

- Saying yes to everything thrown at you

- Hanging out with people who steal your energy

- Trying to be perfect at anything

- Resentment (like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die)

- Guilt (for crimes you haven’t committed)

- Comparison (“I should be more like…”)

A Movement

I picture a movement where women say no to anything that robs them of their strength and energy. Where they embrace attitudes, actions (and yes, attire) that helps them feel empowered and at ease.

You can join me in this nascent movement on Twitter (@brillianceinc). Tell me what you’ve decided to say no to, and in saying no, what you are saying yes to. Please bring a sense of serious levity and end your Tweet with #nocruelshoes so others can join in on the conversation.

And, if you’ve found a great pair of comfortable, feminine, professional-looking shoes, post it here in the comments or on Twitter chatroom #nocruelshoes.

Here’s a stunning collection from CEO and ballroom dancing aficionado, Anyi Lu. To learn more about what motivated her to go from Chemical Engineer to Chief Shoemaker, check out her NYTimes article, Farewell, Aching Feet.

Men, you are free to join us there and declare your own freedom from unnecessary sacrifice!

Resources

Listen to Steve Martin’s Comedy Classic: Cruel Shoes

For truly incredible insights as to why we have too few women in leadership, check out the speeches delivered by Facebook COO Sandberg with grace, authenticity, and humor (and lovely, really high, shoes).

Read: Sandberg’s Commencement Address to Barnard College

Watch: Sandberg’s TEDtalk

“Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it in high heels and backwards.”

Don't go it Alone

If knowledge and insight were all it took to change our habits, we could just read a great self-help book or take a course and voilà: excellence!

No Magic Wand

Sadly (for those of us who like instant gratification), it takes effort and practice to shift patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting. You’ve developed your current state over years of accidental practice and attention: it’ll take some time and effort to develop new, stronger habits (aka, neural pathways). You’ll be tested a million times a day and have a million opportunities to return to your comfort zone.

Got Support to Thrive?

This is why even coaches have coaches. We all need someone who can listen without judgment and help us see things in a way that opens up better possibilities for action. Someone who can help us stay focused and support our efforts to change. Someone who can remind us why we’re putting ourselves through the discomfort and who can highlight the small positive changes that would otherwise fail to get noticed and appreciated.

“When you’re weary, find relief. When you’re strong, find delight.”

- Martha Beck, author, coach

Before You Get Support, Build Capacity

And sometimes, even that’s not enough. Knowing the tools exist, and being able to explain the tools intellectually isn’t enough. When we are in pain — depressed, sleep deprived, injured, etc. — we need triage support to build up our resources so we have the capacity to improve. Once we’ve alleviated the acute symptoms, we can pursue higher goals.

Don’t I know it.

After my daughter was born, I suffered many months of severe sleep-deprivation and anxiety before I finally sought medical advice. I was surviving, but certainly not thriving. My brain was in a negative loop. I recall thinking that I knew how to escape my negative thoughts, but I lacked the capacity to use the tools. It took two PTSD diagnoses for me to decide that I couldn’t self-coach myself out of my state.

My brain is now healed and I once again feel vibrant, thanks to some great practitioners.

You don’t have to settle for less than excellence. Get the support you deserve.

Resources

Get Support: Find a Coach

• New Ventures West: A global resource founded in the Bay Area (Note: Brilliance Inc. founders are graduates)
• Brilliance Inc: Work with Heather Andersen or Denise Green
• Ask someone you admire who they would recommend
  • Here’s a plug for my coach Judith Duhl, great for career transitions and life-coaching

Build Capacity: Get Your Brain and Body Back in Harmony

Dr.’s in The Bay Area (and my hero’s in health). These amazing people have EQ and crazy-good skills.

• Dr. Raj Patel (South Bay/Peninsula) – Holistic MD
• Dr. Morgan Camp (Mill Valley) – Holistic MD
• Dr. Robert Gamburd - Physiatrist (Sports Medicine)

Video: I love this short video where author Tony Schwartz offers unconventional and really useful advice to help us all thrive. Here’s a hint:

“If you don’t eat for 5 days, you’ll be hungry; if you don’t sleep well for 5 days, you’ll be psychotic.”

- Tony Schwartz

Article: Via author and neuroleadership guru David Rock, this article describes our brains under depression

Tool: When you’re ready to thrive, try our complimentary and powerful Thoughts Upgrade Tool to help shift your attention to create better results in any area of your life.

Our last post featured excerpts from the late David Foster Wallace, one of the most respected and revered writers of our time. He suffered from severe depression and when the treatments failed him after 20 years, he chose a final tragic escape. He left behind a treasure of work.

Please share any resources you recommend to help people survive and thrive.

Pay Careful Attention

Our thoughts fuel actions that lead to results.

A weird thing about ‘truths’ is that they are malleable. We get to pick and choose ‘em. But before we can exert any power of choice, we must first notice what truths we hold. And this noticing is much harder than it seems.

Given that it’s graduation season, I’d like to offer a few excerpts from David Foster Wallace’s unorthodox and imminently useful 2005 commencement address to Kenyon College.

About the Liberal Arts Education

“…learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed.”

Choice

“You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn’t. You get to decide what to worship.”

Challenge

“…it is extremely difficult to stay alert and attentive, instead of getting hypnotized by the constant monologue inside your own head“

Choosing Well

He goes on to describe in all-too-real detail the often tedious adult world that awaits them, and to offer an approach full of grace, presence, and compassion.

“I can choose to force myself to consider the likelihood that everyone else in the supermarket’s checkout line is just as bored and frustrated as I am, and that some of these people probably have harder, more tedious and painful lives than I do.”

“The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline,and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.”

Amen to that.

More Resources and Reminders.

• One of my current favorite resources on the topic is neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor’s book My Stroke of Insight: her great effort to help others benefit from her journey after losing her left-brain functions in a stroke. Short on time? Get the audio book and make your commute, waiting room, or check-out line more fruitful. Or, see her TEDTalk – perhaps the best 18 minutes you’ll ever spend online.

• The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle – Popular for a reason, this book can help you find space (and peace) between your thoughts.

• Incredible Advice to Grads (and the rest of us) from David Brooks: It’s Not About You

• David Rock’s practical, irreverent post on Psychology Today The Neuroscience of Mindfulness

“Mindfulness isn’t difficult: the hard part is remembering to do it.”

- David Rock

My thanks to Scott Curwood for sending me the Wallace speech!

The most earth-shaking discoveries, inventions, and lives begin with powerful questions asked by people who seem delusional to the rest of the world. Think Galileo, Edison, Einstein, Gates, Jobs, Bezos to name a few.

When you ask a powerfully different question like, What if our world doesn’t revolve around the sun? you’ll notice supporting evidence that others have missed.

Truth is, you can build a case to support any theory. Think that the world is out to get you? I bet you can prove it. And what if you think, as Jack Canfield proposes, that the world conspires to help you?  What would you notice then?

Old at a Young Age

I’ve seen this work in my own life. At 26, I developed Rheumatoid Arthritis. One of my first questions was How could I have this at such a young age? which got me thinking that something was out of whack. I then asked What if my treatment over the past 4 years — high doses of anti-inflammatory medication and steroid shots for a broken back — has caused an imbalance? Then, I got really crazy and asked What if something I’m eating makes it worse? Traditional MDs dismissed these questions as the ravings of a crazy person and recommended more medicine to treat my new symptoms.

Hating that option, I sought less traditional thinkers until I found my Galileos in health. Within six months, we had pin-pointed the RA symptoms to a gluten and eggplant allergy (really). When I avoided those foods, I was 70% improved. My Doctor, Raj Patel, then asked me a question I will never forget. He asked “Would you like to remain here or are you interested in a cure?”

6 months later I was symptom free and have been ever since.

Age is Relative

One of my favorite delusional thinkers is Harvard Social Scientist Ellen J. Langer, author of the book, Counterclockwise, named after her famous experiment where she immersed groups of elderly men in a meticulously crafted 1952 simulation. After emerging from their week long time-travel experiment the men exhibited shocking changes including longer limbs, longer gait, taller, and younger appearance.

Here is a fact that Langer discovered in her research:

There are no definitive biological age markers.

Without knowing someone’s chronological age, science cannot pinpoint how old someone is.

Your Turn

We construct our results based on the questions we ask. Take an inventory. What questions do you ask about yourself, others, and possibilities? What results are those questions getting you?

Notice the difference between dead-end questions like Why are people out to get me/annoy me? and Why is my life so hard? and powerful (delusional) questions like How can I help others suffer less? and What changes can I begin making today to build my ideal life? or What old resentment can I drop so I can move on and thrive?

Resources:

Articles:

This article was inspired by Pam Slim’s great post on March 31

Managers: see our recent post: Conversation Training Wheels for some great questions you can ask your employees.

Books:

Say Goodbye to Illness

Counterclockwise

Treatments:

These are the techniques that helped me say goodbye to Rheumatoid. Visit the sites to find local (delusional) practitioners

NAET

BIOSET

Heroic MDs in the Bay Area:

Raj Patel

Morgan Camp

How will you begin today to create the best life you can envision?

Please let me know how it goes.

Program Offering!

If you want a partner to help you craft better questions, actions, and results sign up for a public group coaching program. Groups will be small so everyone gets personalized attention.  More details will follow soon. Send us an email to get on the waiting list. First responders will receive a 20% discount!

Ponder Your Leadership Capability

We’re revisiting a post we published last September, updating it with resources to  help you become a leader who inspires brilliance. We’ve combed thousands of pages from Goleman, Drucker, Neuroleadership, Monty Python (and more) and hope you enjoy.

7 Annoying Truths

1. Despite your past successes, vast experience, diplomas, and credentials, you possess a pathetically small sliver of the truth.

2. People fear you (by nature of your status) and withhold information that may challenge your pathetically small sliver of the truth.  This is a bad thing unless you like learning about your product’s failure from the Wall Street Journal.

3. To bring out the best in others, you must go out of your way to create a safe environment.  Fear is the brain’s default reaction to stress, uncertainty, status, and a million other things outside your control.

4. Leadership takes courage. Courage probably doesn’t look like what you think it looks like. The root of the word means “heart.” True courage does not swagger but is humble and authentically confident. A courageous leader:

- recognizes her own strengths and weaknesses

- surrounds herself with people who differ

- when confronted with evidence that challenges her truths, says “Say more about that” in a non-murderous tone

- is confident they will get there without knowing exactly how

- sets a compelling vision and let’s others figure out the best way to do it

- listens intently, openly

- describes reality neutrally, without accusation

- admits to self that leadership is lonely and finds people to provide support and a good sounding board

(to see how courageous–or swaggering–you are, check out this confidence assessment)

5. You are contagious: your mood, your work-life habits, your tone, your management style, your hygiene habits–all of it embeds itself in others and helps create a culture.

6. Leadership takes stamina and resilience. You cannot do your job optimally without a healthy body and mind. To that end, find support to help you:

- stay fit physically

- optimize your brain

- manage your emotions and physical reactions

- strengthen your immune system

- sleep well

7. There is a point in your rise as a leader (e.g. from Manager of individual contributors to Manager of Managers), where everything that has worked for you will now work against you. Recognize when you cross this threshold and get a coach to help you learn new tricks and embed new habits.

Bonus Annoying Truth

- IQ has taken you as far as it can. Your success now hinges on how well you inspire trust, engagement, and commitment.

(Get our complimentary resource about How Stuff Gets Done Well).

More Resources to help you…

• Build resilience:
  • The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working by Tony Schwartz (listen to the audio book while you commute or exercise)
  • The Four Hour Body, by Timothy Ferriss
    

• Break bad habits & build a better brain: 
  
  • What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, by Marshall Goldsmith
  • Your Brain at Work, by David Rock
  • Managing from the Heart
    

• Communicate authentically: Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott
  

Sufficiently Annoyed?

Watch for our next post where we provide a tool to help you cut through the annoying truths so you truly evoke brilliance. 

You know the scene. Outnumbered and surrounded by bad guys, Bruce Lee composes himself, takes a stance, and then elegantly kicks ass until he’s the last one standing.

No, I’m not suggesting that we embrace violence to solve our problems. The message we can take from Lee and all great martial artists is this:

If you want to be more effective, do less.

The prevailing quality in the movement of gifted martial artists is efficiency.

And who couldn’t use some of that?

No Nun chucks Required.

You don’t have to enter a dojo to learn the lessons.

Be Your Own Sensei:

When you become an objective self-observer you’ll notice how you waste mental and physical energy on futile efforts like worry, resentment, and anger. Just sitting at your computer, you may notice a clenched jaw, shallow breathing, hunched back, and strained eyes.

Noticing the wasteful habits is challenging since they are so deeply ingrained in our bodies and thoughts. Unwinding the habits will take attention and practice.

Find a Sensei:

To shed the waste more efficiently, get a partner. Great teachers come in many forms including coaches, trainers, body workers, and cognitive therapists. A couple of years ago, I found the Feldenkrais method to help me relieve pain. Every week my practitioner Sonja Sutherland, also an Aikido black-belt, helps me re-educate my nervous system with what seem like simple, inconsequential, movement instructions. As I try to execute her instructions, the A-student inside me struggles to move as far as I can, putting lots of effort in. Her constant reminder is “do less.” The new movement only works if I do it without any struggle. When I insert struggle, I short-circuit the goal.

Do Less, Be More:

What if we went through our days without the wasted effort? If we moved between meetings, task, and errands without wasting energy on worry, resentment, tension, or comparison? What if we were more focused on the task or person in front of us, instead of lamenting about the past or worrying about the future? What could we achieve by bringing more being to our doing?

It seems a worthy quest.

Moshe Feldenkrais on his goal with the method

“To make the impossible possible, the possible easy, and the easy, elegant.”

“If struggling were the way to get there, we’d all be there by now.”

Victoria Castle The Trance of Scarcity