Are You an Ambivert?

by Denise Green | Career Satisfaction, Coaching, Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Energy, Strengths Comments | 0

Don’t Believe Every Assessment You Take

As a leadership coach, you might think I’d like personality assessments. But I don’t. It’s not that they don’t have some value.  I just think that they’re more limited than people allow for: that humans are more complex than any automatic assessment can capture.

And I don’t care what their creators and promoters say about how precise they are, I get different results depending on the time of day, what’s going on my life, and how much coffee I’ve had.

Perhaps you’ve felt boxed in by one of these reports. According to at least two instruments, I’m an Introvert. And sometimes that feels true: I do sometimes like to think quietly until I’ve fleshed out my thoughts. Other times, though, I spew nascent ideas as fast as I can think them. At times I do gain energy by being alone. But after a while I need to get up and be with people.

About 7 years ago, I came across an assessment called the Highlands Ability Battery that promised to measure innate abilities that didn’t fluctuate after the age of 14.

That was when I heard the term Ambivert for this first time. Finally, I felt understood by an assessment. It was actually worth the painstaking three plus hours to take the tests.

We Ambiverts can be very confusing to others. We can be gregarious one moment, meditative the next.  We get a charge from being with people and working on a team…until we don’t.  For me, this really resonated. I can lead a day-long workshop with passion and deep empathy. After, you can find me in a fetal position in my car, recharging my batteries.

For you all you Introverts and Extroverts, I have a message: it’s not personal, and we’re not crazy.

So What Can an Ambivert Do?

Let people know about your style: that your behavior fluctuations are not about them, just about you needing to manage energy.   Be realistic about your needs. When you need to recharge, don’t feel guilty stepping away. You’ll be more useful and nice to be around when you return. And when you’re in the mood to talk out loud, say that these are early thoughts and that you’re tossing them out. On the other hand, if you need time to think before responding, say so.  People will be less confused, and will make fewer wrong assumptions about your intent.

Think you’re an Ambivert? How can you tell? What advice do you have for others?

Book: Don’t Waste Your Talent by Don Hutcheson

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Change How You Are, Not Who You Are

by Denise Green | Authenticity, Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Management, Personal Development, Strengths Comments | 2

Change for Good

As an Executive Coach, my job is to help people change for good. Not everyone is ready for such a project.  Some people just want everyone around them to change instead. And others worry that if they change their behaviors, they’ll come off as inauthentic—a fake. Truth is, if you’re unable to adapt your approach to people and situations, your relationships will suffer and your career will hit a wall.

Authenticity Misunderstood

Authenticity is about being real…not rigid.  That is, it’s not about stubbornly holding on to valued personality traits—or even beliefs—that aren’t working. The most successful leaders adapt to people and situations gracefully and appropriately. [Read more...]

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Recipe For Brilliance

by BrillianceInc | Building Teams, Career Satisfaction, Coaching, Developing Others, Employee Engagement, Leadership, Management, Newsletter Archives, Optimal Results, Personal Development, Science of Leadership, Strengths Comments | 0

Are you in the zone? You know..that place where you feel energized. Where you like going to work, where you feel a sense of fulfillment, satisfaction, and gratitude. If you’re not living there, how far away are you? Around the block? Next County? Neighboring planet? For managers, how would your employees answer?

When we ask program participants and clients about times when they felt in the zone, nearly all can name one. Barely anyone claims to there now. And survey research supports this observation. According to a Gallup poll, more than 70 percent of people are disengaged from their job.

There are several key ingredients to peak performance. Knowing them can make it easier to diagnose what’s missing.

Recipe at-a-Glance: One part S (Strengths) to four parts P (Passion, Purpose, Preferences, Progress).

One Part ‘S’

1. Strengths:
In every peak moment, you will find that you are doing what you do best. Strengths may be learned skills or innate abilities. Either way, they are things that you excel at. Sometimes it’s hard to notice your own strength because it comes easily to you. What comes easily to you – public speaking, playing music, interpersonal skills, listening, remembering and using data – is terrifyingly difficult for others. Where you exhibit grace, others stumble or exert more effort for the same or less outcomes.

Ways to determine strengths:

  • Take an inventory assessment: Gallup’s StrengthsFinder or Highlands Ability Battery are good options
  • Recall what tasks at work you do most effortlessly

Four Parts P [Read more...]

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Recognize Incremental Growth

by Denise Green | Coaching, Communication, Developing Others, Employee Engagement, Feedback, Gratitude, Management, Neuroleadership, Personal Development, Strengths Comments | 2

Instant Improvement?

This week I accompanied my husband to his Lasik (vision correction) surgery. It took me back 13 years to my own Lasik experience. Back then, I entered the Laser Eye Center building dependent on thick glasses. Less than 24 hours later, I  had 20/15 vision. In less than a day, I went from being unable to read a giant digital clock since age 7, to reading the ingredients on a shampoo bottle.

It got me thinking, if only all development was so quick and noticeable. But that kind of drastic improvement is rare (not to mention expensive and risky).

In the absence of sudden conversions, we’re often blind to our own progress until someone comments, “Hey, have you lost a few pounds?” or “You seem happier.” or “You’re listening better.” One group-coaching participant recently said to a peer, “You seem calmer in meetings.” She didn’t fully appreciate this new way of being until he named it. At the program’s end, she said that his comment was one of the most memorable and affirming moments. When others notice, our improvement becomes more real.

Reflecting Brilliance

Over the course of a few months with a coach, participants re-invent themselves gradually but certainly. One of the most important things a coach does is hold up the mirror and acknowledge real changes.

One of the greatest gifts we can give others–colleagues, friends, family– [Read more...]

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Love (or, at least respect) Your Limitations

by Denise Green | Gratitude, Optimal Results, Strengths Comments | 0

Honor Your Limitations

Honor Your Limitations

As we begin another turn around the sun, it seems proper to focus on possibilities and opportunities—on our limitless nature. Having never been accused of being proper or conventional, I’d rather talk about limitations. Plus, now that we’re well into February, the shiny coating on your resolutions may be showing some dullness, letting in a ray of reality.

Limitations get an undeserved bad reputation. Without limits—constraints—we’d lack focus, purpose, direction. We would say yes to everything, run ourselves out of energy and into the ground.

Those who know me well, know that I am not afraid to say no—no to people, events, tasks—anything that feels like an energy drainer. I try to live by a philosophy of striving for maximum results with the minimal output of effort. I have not always done this gracefully. Once, when I began a new job, I ignored back pain, not wanting to ask for time off, and ended up in the hospital. To live more honestly and fully, I’ve had to discover my strengths and weaknesses and respect all of it. I’ve had to learn to pay fierce attention to my body’s signals—intuitive and physical— then listen and abide.

When we ignore our limitations, we overburden ourselves and diminish our capacity to do what matters most and to share our most profound gifts with others.

Some signs you may be ignoring your limitations:

  • Your dance card is full and you’re spinning around the room with acquaintances instead of people you adore
  • You feel physical distress or illness often
  • You feel guilty about how you spend your time
  • You are moody and disagreeable often
  • You don’t use your strengths every day

If you experience some of the signs perhaps it’s time to step back and take inventory of your limitations: which ones are you ignoring, hoping they will disappear or convert to strengths through some undiscovered alchemy?

limitations and mitigators

I am still working on finding a balance—saying no and yes in a way that best serves me, my family, my intentions, and the world. Two things I know: 1) I will have ample opportunities to practice, and 2) I will have ample limitations to remind me what matters and what’s worth doing.

Each of us has different strengths and constraints. Heck, even superheroes have limiting forces. Imagine if Superman ignored his allergy to kryptonite and told himself instead to “suck it up and move on.” If you don’t figure out what matters most—what deserves most of your attention, and what most constrains you, you may someday find out the hard way.

If you don’t have constant physical reminders of your mortality and limitations, you may have to try even harder to create boundaries so you can focus your attention in ways that serves you and the world.

Exercise and Questions for the Willing

  1. Brainstorm your limitations. Have fun with it. Name them big and small.
  2. Identify the biggest limitations.
  3. What is your relationship to your limitations? Do you resent them, love them, respect them, appreciate them?
  4. Think about how you spend your physical and emotional energy. What are you saying yes to that is in conflict with your limitations?
  5. If you keep it up, what’s likely to happen?
  6. What can you say no to, that would free up energy?
  7. What do you feel when you contemplate saying no?

A “no” uttered from the deepest conviction is better and greater than a “yes” merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.

- Mahatma Gandhi

Happy Valentines Day!

From the Heart,

Denise

Thanks to Risë Venditti for her insight while Heather is on maternity leave with her two healthy bundles of love and limits, Ella and Charlie.

Here are some of my (very mortal) limiting forces and attempts to mitigate them

Physical Limitations:

- I have an incomplete hip socket that will warrant a rebuild

- I have scoliosis and other related quirky skeletal shapes

- In 1992, I broke my back and body in a car accident.

- I suffer from bouts of insomnia and exhaustion

- I have food sensitivities (that in 1998 resulted in an auto-immune disease response)

- I naturally have poor vision and dry eyes

Mitigating Response

- I wear flat shoes

- I make regular visits to healers: acupuncture, Feldenkrais, Cranial Sacral, Chiropractic.

- IDET back surgery in 1998

- NAET and Bioset to reverse the allergies

- Lasik in 1998

- Herbs…and Advil.

Relational Responsibilities

- I’m a wife, daughter, sister, mother, dog mom, and business partner.

- I am really sensitive to images of violence, hatred, and suffering.

- I have a daughter with celiac and dogs in remission from cancer and pancreatitis, none of whom can drive

- I say no to events, classes, seminars, clubs, associations, etc. that don’t serve a clear, immediate need that I can translate into value for my well-being, my family, or clients.

- I spend quality time with my family including daily walks with my dogs

- I watch no toxic television or movies, including the news.

Talent and Style Limitations

- I’m impatient and impulsive

- I prefer creative and big picture work over details

- I partner with the amazing Heather Andersen, who has different strengths, background, and interests.(and limitations)

- I always have a talented friend proofread and edit before I send important work out.

Other:

- Mortgage (Bay Area), Bills, Taxes

- Only 24 hours in a day

- I do work that I love

- I have one beloved child, with plans for no others.

- I have child care.

- I often refer clients whose problem could be solved better and faster by someone in my network.

- I delegate research

o E.g. Jennifer for food and wine, Moo for cars, Travel Agent Eliot Saferty for vacations, Amazon.com for recommendations, and Twitter to follow smart people and keep abreast of latest studies, writings, and ideas in my field.

- I have a good, patient accountant

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