How are those New Year’s Resolutions coming along? By now, you must be a nicer, calmer, healthier, happier, more productive version of yourself, right?

If you are falling a bit short of your lofty resolutions, read on and learn how to make self improvement really stick.

The Good News About Self-Improvement

Anyone can change their thoughts, behaviors, and habits. Despite past claims that adult brains were fixed, findings over the last decade reveal that brains constantly adjust to inputs. Neuroplasticity–the brain’s constant adaptation–means that you can teach any (willing) dog new tricks.

The Bad News About Self-Improvement

It’s not as fast or as easy as we might like. In an ideal world, you’d pick something about yourself to improve, do a little homework–read a book, attend a class, or watch a YouTube video–and voila, a new improved you! Unfortunately it’s not that easy.  When faced with challenges that conspire to take us off track, we may give in to inertia and settle for the latest version of ourselves. A little crack appears in our soul, patched with guilt and excuses.

HOW IT WORKS

Real Tools for Change
Deeply felt, lasting change happens over time. Below are some phases of change and corresponding tools to help you upgrade the software running on your grey-matter platform.  All these tools are instantly available simply by setting an intention to use them.

Five phases to making self-improvement stick:

1.       Discovery and Intake
2.       Design
3.       Launch Beta Version of You
4.       Test for Quality
5.       Launch Upgrade Version of You

1. Discovery and Intake Phase:

Purpose: Gather data to form an inclusive assessment of your current state including features, strengths, user-experience, and bugs.

Critical Tools Include:

• Observation and Questions: Bring curiosity and leave judgment behind as you ask open-ended questions of yourself and others over a period of several days or weeks. Here are some possible questions:

• • What is the trajectory of my relationships, career, health, happiness?
  • How do I spend my time?
  • What angst inducing thoughts do I notice?
  • What behaviors are inspired by the angst ridden thoughts?
  • What are my strengths?
  • What threatens to derail me?
  • What do you need most from me?
  • To what degree are you getting it on a scale of 1-5?
  • If I could improve one thing, what would it be and how would it look if I were doing it better?

2. Design Phase

Purpose: Create a realistic plan that makes the most of your resource investment.

Critical Tools Include:

• Intention: Decide what to change and commit to a plan.
• Network of Support: Identify resources that will help you along the way.
• Attention: Begin to catch your self in the act of living; be your own third party observer.
• Label: Learn to accurately and neutrally label emotions and thoughts that appear, increasing your opportunity to manage them rather than be led by them.

3. Launch Beta Version of You

Purpose: Prototype new thoughts and behaviors and gather input (from self and others) to fine-tune.

Critical Tools Include:

• Tell Others What You Are Working On: We urge reluctant clients to include this step as it may be the biggest predictor of success. Despite feeling like you’re making obvious, earth-moving changes, such as interrupting less or speaking up more, your colleagues are unlikely to notice. Or, if they do sense something different, may attribute it to a new haircut, or something they ate for lunch.

People are busy and they inhabit a different brain-world than yours. Big actions to you will seem minuscule to them. When you draw their attention to your positive actions, two things happen: they actually notice and they feel a sense of ownership in your development.  Skip this step and risk wasting your energy.

• Practice new thoughts and behaviors relentlessly: Practice for (at least) 21 Days. If you feel awkward, it’s working. New behaviors-like driving on the opposite side of the road– feel funky until we lay down the neural pathways for them. Even crossing our arms in an unfamiliar way feels foreign because we don’t have the neural pathways to match the movement. Learn to live with being awkward for a while and fight against falling into old patterns.

• Learn to Recast Your Thoughts: Continue to observe yourself, labeling thoughts and emotions. Studies show that we have about 2 seconds to reappraise an interpretation. Becoming skillful at observing yourself will help you catch that window. When you detect an old, unwanted thought, find a way to change your initial interpretation and release the perceived threat response in your brain. This frees up your thinking brain (prefrontal cortex) to intervene with a more desirable action. Note: this will require you to accept that your first impression is never THE ONE TRUTH.

Example of a recast thought:

Angst-inducing thought: “She’s giving me a look. I wonder what I did wrong. I better defend myself.”

Notice the thought and then choose one of a bajillion less angst ridden and different ways of interpreting the action, like…

Recast thought: “I wonder what that look means. Maybe it’s gas. I think I’ll just wait for more information before I jump to conclusions and regret my response.”

Inhale, exhale, wait, ask clarifying question in a neutral tone…

• Work on the Body: Labeling and recasting thoughts is not enough to make changes stick. Your current way of being is stored deep in your body. Doubt this? Next time you get triggered, notice what happens to your physical self. What happens to your breath, your jaw, your forehead, eyes, shoulders? For self-improvement to stick, body, thoughts, and behaviors must be attuned. There are many ways to release unwanted patterns in the body including: sitting-practice, yoga, dance, singing, breathing  exercises or practicing a new stance. When in doubt, get counsel from a certified coach with somatic knowledge to help you design a practice.

4. Test for Quality

Purpose: Ensure that the program is producing the planned results.  Make adjustments.

Critical Tools Include:

• Observation: What new behaviors are you noticing in yourself? What new behaviors and reactions are you noticing in others as they relate to you?

• Ask others how they perceive you: The least uncomfortable and most productive way to do this is to ask them in writing, on a scale of -5 to +5. Ask each person about only one topic and ask what it would be like if you were doing it better. Then thank them and make the changes.

5. Launch Upgraded Version of You

Purpose: Experience a new improved way of being in the world and watch what happens.

Critical Tools Include:

• Awareness: By now you have the ability to observe yourself objectively as the director of the play that is your life.  Continue to practice and develop this skill to improve your way of being.
• Gratitude: Savor your new way of being. Feel deep thanks for yourself and those who support you, and for the new pleasures, freedoms, and connections open to you.
• Patience: You will not behave perfectly. Bring humility and compassion to yourself and others.
• Sense of Humor: Try lightening up. Take yourself less seriously and others less personally.

We’re all in the Midst of Mastering Something
Our brains are constantly reacting to stimuli: every minute we gradually shape our brains, paving new roads or digging up old ones. Through repeated attention, thoughts, and actions, we create new neural pathways and the foundation for mastery. You can’t help but do it. So the question is, What are you mastering? And the second question is: How do you feel about it? And finally, What are you going to do about it? For those unsure, we offer a list of possibilities. Choose wisely.

Anger

Cheer

Chocolate

Dodging Conflict

Deep Connections with People

Deep Connections with Self

Ease

Eating Poorly

Eating Well

Envy

Fear

Freedom

Good Health

Gratitude

Guilt

Guitar

Integration

Love

Online Gaming

Pity

Regret

Resentment

Reverence

Sadness

Strength

Stress

Trust

Volatility

Wholeness

xxoo

Zzzzzzz

In the Pixar movie Ratatouille, a novice (and mostly talentless) cook gets an experienced mentor who gives him explicit cooking advice that he heartily heeds. Eventually, after much instruction, intense attention, and lots of practice, he can cook well enough to survive in a top restaurant. The apprentice tells his mentor “Thank you for the cooking advice” and she responds, “Thank you for taking it.”

Is there anything sweeter than someone digesting your brilliant advice?  And, like so many of the most prized delicacies, it’s rare.

We wrote about the limits of advice in our prior issue Advice: Proceed with Caution. Now we have scientific data to explain why ADVICE SO SELDOM WORKS.

Advice as Threat

Dr. Evian Gordon, founder of the Brain Resource Company, explains that the brain’s overarching principle is to classify the world around you into things that either hurt you or help you stay alive. “Minimize danger, maximize reward” is the organizing principle of the brain. Your limbic system is charged with categorizing the world into friend or foe, safe or dangerous. And just to be safe, your limbic system errs on the side of dangerous.  Long ago, when a rustle in the bush could have meant imminent death, this was useful.  Now, our sensitive brain doesn’t always serve us so well.

And sadly for those of us who love giving advice (and particularly sad for parents of teenagers), advice lights up all our brain’s danger signals, sapping resources from our higher brain rendering us less efficient and less able to accept the advice. David Rock, CEO and author of Your Brain at Work, offers an incredibly useful acronym, SCARF, to explain why the brain’s threat system gets activated and how we can leverage knowledge of the brain to minimize threat and increase our capacity.

What the Brain Craves: SCARF

Status: We constantly assess how social encounters either enhance or diminish our status. In our personal lives, our neighbors’ new car, their kids’ college acceptance, their groomed yard and much more, are material for comparison. In the work place, even a casual conversation with a boss can trigger a status threat response. And when a superior offers advice, our limbic system focuses on their perceived superior knowledge and experience–not on how we can benefit from the advice.

Certainty: All humans crave a degree of certainty. When unsure how to resolve a problem, our memory decreases and we disengage from the present moment, focusing instead on what could go wrong in the future. In this mode, we are less likely to hear and neutrally appraise advice.

Autonomy: People need to feel some control over their lives and an ability to choose. When offered advice, the limbic system can trigger an emotional threat response at having our options narrowed.

Relatedness: Our brains are constantly assessing people as friend or, more often, foe. So before offering someone advice, build relationship.

Fairness: The cognitive drive to seek fairness is evidenced by people fighting and dying for causes they believe are just. If employees perceive a leader playing favorites, they will withhold trust and true collaboration won’t happen. On the flip side, employees will stay loyal longer to leaders and companies they perceive as fair. When a leader dishes out advice, an employee’s inner dialogue may sound like: “What, you don’t trust me to figure it out?  I bet you wouldn’t tell Suzie what to do.”

Good Advice for You but…

And just because your advice seems optimal to your brain, doesn’t mean it’s right for the brain you’re trying to influence. According to David Rock, “Human brains are so complex and individual that there is little point in trying to work out how another person ought to recognize his or her thinking.  It is far more useful to help others come to their own insights. “

What Works

When we come up with our own insights and solutions, our brain is deluged with rewards.Our sense of status goes up, along with a sense of increased autonomy and certainty. We even get a little lift from the dopamine burst that encourages us to take action and move us toward forming new neural pathways. Here are two approaches:

1.       Help others narrow the problem to one clear statement by asking:

• What’s the core issue?
• How would you describe the problem in one sentence?
• What will it look like if resolved successfully?

2.       Help them focus on their own internal thought process by asking:

• What solution are you leaning toward?
• What have you tried already?
• How did it work?
• If you had to guess what to do, what would it be?

And you may help motivate them to act by asking:

• If nothing changes a year from now, where will you be?
• What’s the first step you can take?
• What support can you gather?

For real change to happen, inspiration has to come from within. Sure, you might motivate someone in the short term with carrots and sticks, but it will be fleeting change at best.

Become an Inspiration Catalyst

Withholding advice can be draining. It takes great energy, patience, and self-control to help others find their own insights when you have a golden nugget that you’d love to share. To regularly evoke brilliance from others, you’ll need practice. In time, it will become more habitual and take less effort.

You can start by working on your own SCARF. That is, build a brain that trusts more and fears less, and gain capacity to perceive and evaluate options more clearly. While not easy to rewire a brain, with focused effort it will happen. Leaders who invest the time will reap huge rewards as they become more trusting to others and create low-fear-zones where people can let down their guard and do their best work. They also gain the ability to hear and act on good advice swiftly.

“[t]his need to demonstrate how smart we are rarely hits its intended target.”

~ Marshall Goldsmith

Other Resources:

Your Brain at Work by David Rock

Managing with the Brain in Mind by David Rock

Drive, by Daniel Pink

]]> http://brillianceinc.com/why-brains-hate-advice/feed/ 0 http://brillianceinc.com/boost-your-brain-power/ http://brillianceinc.com/boost-your-brain-power/#comments Wed, 24 Feb 2010 23:14:36 +0000 BrillianceInc http://brillianceinc.com/?p=528 Your brain has something to tell you and ask of you:

1) Your brain would like you to know that it is overworked, and
2) Your brain would like a coach.

Your Brain is Overworked
You are asking too much of your brain. More specifically, your prefrontal cortex, that evolutionarily youngest region of our brain– the part responsible for higher thinking like prioritizing, categorizing, and strategizing–could use some support. And it’s no wonder: If you think of your whole brain’s information processing power as equal to the milky-way galaxy, the pre-frontal cortex can handle only about a cubic foot of that information. So, the part of your brain that distinguishes you from the animal kingdom and gives you your smarts, is akin to a Texas Instruments calculator (from 1980) embedded in an IBM supercomputer.

And for most of us, the prefrontal cortex is powerful enough to operate efficiently for about ninety minutes a day.
So, if you are wondering why, at the end of a long work-day you feel weary, and like you accomplished too little, it’s not you…it’s your brain. And because our to-do lists are only getting longer and more demanding, and our distractions increasing, we try to supercharge our brain with caffeine, exercise, ginseng–all of which may help–temporarily.

Here’s a short list of Indicators that Your Brain is Overburdened

• You misplace your keys, pen, etc, only to find it in plain sight (or in hand).
• You send off an incomplete email, or copy someone by mistake, or regret sending while angry.
• You bring your bad mood with you to work or home and smear it all over innocent bystanders.
• You fail to manage your time so that you get the most important things checked off your list.
• You get easily distracted.
• You forget why you are at the grocery store.

If you experience no symptoms like the ones listed above, please email info@brilliance.com and let us know what you are taking.

Optimize Your Brain

Fortunately, you can do a lot to positively affect performance in your fragile prefrontal cortex.

• Prioritize early: Do the your most complex thinking early in the day

• Limit distractions: Turn off some of the myriad electronic sounds competing for your attention

• Eat: Give your brain the glucose fuel it needs (and bring chocolate to your next meeting)
• Write it down: Put your thoughts on paper to free up space in your crowded brain
• Do something novel: Raise your dopamine levels by watching a funny video or reading a blog
• Take a shower (or go for a walk, etc): 90% of 6,000 people surveyed said they did their best work OUTSIDE the workplace
• Talk out loud to a human…which brings us to the request from your brain

Your Brain Would Like a Coach

The simple act of speaking to another person helps your brain clear through the clutter and achieve clarity and insight. Your “coach” doesn’t need to be a certified professional. Your brain wants someone who will listen, hear, and offer a different point of view. If you have someone in your life who does this gratis, keep him or her close. According to David Rock, author of Your Brain at Work, a person who sees things that you can’t, and offers up their observations and insights is “like having a bonus prefrontal cortex.”

And who couldn’t use a spare brain?

Questions for Transforming a Trusted Someone Into Your Coach

• What am I not seeing?
• What’s the silver lining? What good can come from this?
• What assumptions am I making?
• How do you see the issue?
• What would you do if you were in my shoes?
• What have I missed?

In summary (your brain likes summaries), your brain is overworked and underpowered for what you ask of it. While there are a number of ways to rev it up, the best may be to talk aloud with another trusted human being (unfortunately, dogs proved insufficient in Brilliance Inc. testing).

Quotes and Quips:

The Hazards of Mutitasking: Even the brain of a Harvard graduate can be turned into that of an eight-year-old simply by being made to do two things at once. (from Your Brain at Work)

Blackberry and the Brain: A 2005 University of London study showed that having any communication device on nearby reduces its owner’s IQ 15-20 points.

Stay tuned for future Ignite issues and blog posts about optimizing and leveraging your brain.

In the Next Issue:  Inspire Others to Change…Without Annoying Them where we continue our conversation about the brain and reveal the real path to change yourself and others.

The Statistics in this article were sourced in part from a presentation by David Rock at the South Bay OD Network Conference in November, 2009, hosted by Oracle Corporation.

Our thanks to Risë Venditti for loaning us her prefrontal cortex in refining this article.

More Resources:

Your Brain At Work by David Rock

Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

Neuroleadership Institute and Blog

David Rock Blog

Honor Your Limitations

As we begin another turn around the sun, it seems proper to focus on possibilities and opportunities—on our limitless nature. Having never been accused of being proper or conventional, I’d rather talk about limitations. Plus, now that we’re well into February, the shiny coating on your resolutions may be showing some dullness, letting in a ray of reality.

Limitations get an undeserved bad reputation. Without limits—constraints—we’d lack focus, purpose, direction. We would say yes to everything, run ourselves out of energy and into the ground.

Those who know me well, know that I am not afraid to say no—no to people, events, tasks—anything that feels like an energy drainer. I try to live by a philosophy of striving for maximum results with the minimal output of effort. I have not always done this gracefully. Once, when I began a new job, I ignored back pain, not wanting to ask for time off, and ended up in the hospital. To live more honestly and fully, I’ve had to discover my strengths and weaknesses and respect all of it. I’ve had to learn to pay fierce attention to my body’s signals—intuitive and physical— then listen and abide.

When we ignore our limitations, we overburden ourselves and diminish our capacity to do what matters most and to share our most profound gifts with others.

Some signs you may be ignoring your limitations:

• Your dance card is full and you’re spinning around the room with acquaintances instead of people you adore
• You feel physical distress or illness often
• You feel guilty about how you spend your time
• You are moody and disagreeable often
• You don’t use your strengths every day

If you experience some of the signs perhaps it’s time to step back and take inventory of your limitations: which ones are you ignoring, hoping they will disappear or convert to strengths through some undiscovered alchemy?

I am still working on finding a balance—saying no and yes in a way that best serves me, my family, my intentions, and the world. Two things I know: 1) I will have ample opportunities to practice, and 2) I will have ample limitations to remind me what matters and what’s worth doing.

Each of us has different strengths and constraints. Heck, even superheroes have limiting forces. Imagine if Superman ignored his allergy to kryptonite and told himself instead to “suck it up and move on.” If you don’t figure out what matters most—what deserves most of your attention, and what most constrains you, you may someday find out the hard way.

If you don’t have constant physical reminders of your mortality and limitations, you may have to try even harder to create boundaries so you can focus your attention in ways that serves you and the world.

Exercise and Questions for the Willing

1. Brainstorm your limitations. Have fun with it. Name them big and small.
2. Identify the biggest limitations.
3. What is your relationship to your limitations? Do you resent them, love them, respect them, appreciate them?
4. Think about how you spend your physical and emotional energy. What are you saying yes to that is in conflict with your limitations?
5. If you keep it up, what’s likely to happen?
6. What can you say no to, that would free up energy?
7. What do you feel when you contemplate saying no?

A “no” uttered from the deepest conviction is better and greater than a “yes” merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.

- Mahatma Gandhi

Happy Valentines Day!

From the Heart,

Denise

Thanks to Risë Venditti for her insight while Heather is on maternity leave with her two healthy bundles of love and limits, Ella and Charlie.

With this Holiday Edition, we offer a way to end the year ceremoniously, with heart and meaning.

You may want to grab a notebook or blank sheet of paper (electronic or old-fashioned)

Step One: Catalog Accomplishments

Brainstorm your accomplishments for 2009. When brainstorming, consider multiple aspects of your life, including health, fun & recreation, professional, personal, financial, physical environment, personal development, family, and relationships. Include anything that feels significant.

For those who need a jump-start, here are some possibilities:

• Shielded your team from nasty politics
• Brought home a paycheck so your family could maintain a certain quality of life
• Completed ___ performance reviews
• Managed the health and daily care of one or more children
• Cared for ill or grieving parents
• Wrote holiday cards
• Remembered special occasions (anniversary, birthdays)
• Fit in work-out time
• Organized your electronic files, closet, office…
• Fed the dog

Step Two: Identify the Most Important Accomplishments

Reflect on which of these accomplishments feels the most meaningful. If they tend to all fall into the “work” category, check to see how you are defining accomplishment. Is your sense of success  defined by what others think or what you feel? Note which item(s) on the list garnered no meaningful praise, yet felt deserving of appreciation.

Step Three: Let Go

It’s likely that you may never receive sufficient, specific appreciation from your partner, team, parent, child, or dog. Notice whether you feel any resentment or remorse about this. Then take a deep breath and let the resentment go. If you find it hard to drop any “should” stories (i.e., “he should be more appreciative”) it might help to recall that others may be waiting for just the right praise from you. Forgive them and forgive yourself.

Now, take action to craft praise that lights up your heart.

Step Four: Express Appreciation to You

First, close your eyes and imagine a second version of yourself stepping outside your body and turning to face you. This second self holds no resentment or judgment. Now have this second self express deep gratitude for your actions. Take in the words and sentiments, letting them fill you up. Take a couple deep breaths. Repeat for any other significant accomplishments.

Step Five: Offer Appreciation to Others

Consider what wonderful things others have done that you may have taken for granted. Offer appreciation in a way that you think would mean the most to them (a card, a gift, a statement of praise). Tell them how it made a difference for you.

Our Deepest Thanks

The cataloging and appreciation exercise was inspired by our dear colleague, Rita Hovakimian, in her annual Strategic Visioning Workshop. To find out more visit  www.inspiringsuccess.net

We thank you for your support, inspiration, and trust in this first full year of Brilliance Inc. We are blessed to have this work and hope to continue to offer solutions for a very long time as we grow into our mission to raise the level of compassion, skill, and effectiveness in every human interaction.

Happy Holidays from Denise and Heather!

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.

- Cicero

There are two ways to live life: One as if nothing is a miracle, the other as if everything is.

- Einstein

Ways to Tell You Work in a Fear-Ridden Environment

Check any that apply:

◊   “cya” by email is an evolved and widely practiced art.
◊   Managers are expected to know micro-details of every project on short notice.
◊   The word “accountable” is used often.
◊   The phrase “I messed up” and its cousin, “It’s my fault” are heard rarely.
◊   People initiate and respond to emails after 11:00 pm.
◊   Employees in different departments are considered competitors.

If more than 2 apply to your workplace, you probably work in a high fear zone. If you are the boss, we should talk…soon.

Don’t despair. The situation is reversible. Here’s a list of action you can take to lower fear and increase the IQ and overall effectiveness of your organization.

To-Do List for the Courageous Leader

How to create a blame-free work zone where problems are surfaced early and people do their best work.

1. -  Evaluate your beliefs and behaviors about risk, blame, leadership, and emotions (see the Confidence and Ego Assessments in our e-book, Conversations for Brilliance).
2. -  Apologize for acting like a jerk.
3. -  Strike the word “accountable” from your vocabulary. It’s been ruined and only creates a witch-hunt mentality where people scramble to avoid blame.
4. -  When you discover problems, quickly and publicly admit your contribution. Use active voice and speak in first person: e.g. “I messed up.”*
5. -  Calibrate your expectations and illusions of perfection: accept that if you are to have any chance of creating outstanding products and services, then mistakes must happen, and despite such imperfections, you and your customers will most likely survive. Share this belief with others.
6. -  Invite people to disagree with you. When they do, don’t debate. Instead, ask “What else?” or ‘How can you tell?” or “Say more about that.”
7. -  Thank the messenger.
8. -  Take a deep breath, and remind yourself of who you want to be and what you want to create.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
- Philo of Alexandria

“I don’t recall…Mistakes were made.”
- U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez in testimony to the Judiciary Committee investigating the firings of eight US Attorneys.

“The person who can describe reality without laying blame will emerge the leader.”
- Susan Scott, best-selling author of, Fierce Conversations and Fierce Leadership

*This advice pertains specifically to American, and potentially other, high individualistic cultures.

Relationship is the grease on the wheels of business. When you have it, all else flows more smoothly and efficiently. Without it, everything takes longer: communication is stilted and unclear; miscommunication leads to re-work; efforts to save face or deflect blame distract precious energy.  Yet, often we neglect true team-building, thinking that it will steal valuable time from “real” work.

Relationship Pyramid

At Brilliance Inc., we liken the work process to a pyramid, with relationship at the foundation. Sure, you can flip it and try minimizing relationship while you focus on results, but like a spinning top, it’s unsustainable. And the resulting poor outcomes will only further damage relationships, bringing about a need for major intervention and leadership acrobatics. Meaning you’ll have to allocate intense resources to rebuilding relationships that may or may not be salvageable.

Here’s an overview of the discreet steps that lead to outstanding results. We call it ROAAR™.

Foundation Level: Relationship
-    Trust and mutual respect exists.
-    People appreciate, recognize, and leverage each others’ differences.
-    People communicate with candor and clarity.

Level Two: Objectives
-    Goals cascade from a Corporate vision and objectives, down to each team and individual.
-    Team and individuals goals are derived inclusively in robust conversations
-    Outcomes are clearly defined and realistic.

Level Three: Agreements
-    Roles and workflow handoffs are clear.
-    Team members debate until real agreements are reached.
-    Team members decline requests that they are unable to meet, then negotiate, remove roadblocks, and prioritize.

Level Four: Actions
-    Task assignments are aligned with strengths and passions
-    Team members put a clear plan into action or recalibrate as new information is gathered.
-    Adjustments are made based on learning acquired from the first stages of the plan which allows members to act skillfully on a larger scale.
-    As roadblocks or problems occur, team members surface them to leadership.

Level Five: Results
-    Results meet or exceed expectations.
-    When results fail to meet expectations, a blame-free analysis seeks to understand causes.

Meanwhile, Back in the Real World
When we present this model in workshops and ask participants, “How far back does root-cause analysis go in your company?” without fail, they’ve told us that when things break, they and their leaders look to the “Act” level first: “Who did (and didn’t do) what?” This shallow analysis creates a witch-hunt mentality where people scramble to get their stories straight and avoid having the blame fall on them. The ensuing self-preservation efforts divert valuable resources away from developing products and services that create loyal customers.

Futility of Fear

And for those who still aren’t convinced—those who think that results happen because you hold people “accountable” and “hold their feet to the fire”—you might be surprised to learn that the environment of fear that you are creating is counter-productive. In short, when people are in fear mode, they become stupid.

It’s true. If your goal is to drop the average IQ of your company, then treat people in a manner that ignites their fight or flight instinct. If you still doubt, just Google “Amygdala Hijack” and learn all about how to lower your competitive advantage and create a hostile workplace.

Identifying and Fixing the Problems: No Witch-Hunt Required

For those courageous leaders who would like some help with effective blame-free analysis, we offer our this complimentary ROAAR™ Analysis Model. This root-cause analysis starts by looking to the foundation (Relationship), then moving up the pyramid, reviewing each factor until sources of breakage are identified and addressed. The primary goal is to learn and prevent future breakages, while increasing trust and capability.We’d love to hear how it is useful to you and welcome your feedback, ideas, and comments. Click here to download a copy.

Other Thoughts & Inspirations

Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long by David Rock

“If you don’t make failure acceptable, you can’t have original and unique.”
~ Jeffrey Katzenberg, CEO Dreamworks

“Without relationship, you start at zero.”
~ Kofi Annan

“Clarity about whose head will roll when things go wrong.”
~ Accountability, as defined by Susan Scott in the new bestseller Fierce Leadership

Note: The metaphor of the relationship-based pyramid was inspired by our dear friend Peter Vultaggio, principal of the Lumi Company and brilliant trainer, coach, and business leader.

Celebrating My Roots on All Soul’s Day

As a child, Fall was my favorite season and Halloween my favorite holiday. Perhaps it was that my early November birthday gave me reason to host a spooky costume birthday celebration. Or maybe that Halloween satisfied my love of chocolate and flair for drama.

My love of the season is ever deeper as I reflect on the true significance of November 2.

Please indulge a tribute on this All Souls Day/Dia de Los Muertos/Day of the Dead.

First, I am so grateful to have the problems that I have. My ancestors (and yours) didn’t have the luxury of our worries: Which preschool do I choose? What vendor do I partner with? Where should we go on vacation? In which direction should I take my career? Do I buy the MAC or PC? To Kindle, or not to Kindle..?

They were too busy trying to survive. Thank goodness they were heartier than I, for I would have certainly been utterly pathetic and perished during my first Mid-West winter.

The only evidence I need to prove their heartiness is my existence. But with regard to my grandparents, I have more.

First, my late Grandma Thelma. Things I know she endured: Midwest Winters, an ailing mother, covered wagon, death of her husband, raising three boys, farming, arthritis, and death of a son. And the only worry I can recall her expressing was concern that increasing memory loss would result in her forgetting us, her family. Until her last days, this increasingly tiny woman had an enormous sense of humor, matched only by her appetite and compassion.

Then there’s my very much alive Grandpa Bob and Grandmother Dori. Things I know they endured: orphaned at age 7, built a business from nothing, lost a thriving business to a life-long employee’s theft, cancer (cured), viral-enduced paralysis (cured), heart bypass (many), raising six (six!) children, and losing a son. And now, in their 80s, they fish any day they can, quilt, build steel sheds, deliver meals on wheels (to “Old” people), and still have vibrant senses of humor and, I think, a crush on each other.

I can’t hold a candle to this. All I need to lose my sense of humor is a poor night’s sleep, weak coffee, or a two-year old’s tantrum. Born into the post-Industrial age, I am free to concern myself with finding ways to build relationships and express my talents in ways that give to the world and create income (after I sync my iphone, update Facebook, check my email, buy groceries, and pay my bills online).

Whether you were adopted or know your genetic lineage, you can practice gratitude to those who cared for you, sacrificed for you, and the multitude of faceless ancestors who survived loads or who-knows-what before you were ever a possibility, then a reality.

Warmest and spirited regards,

Denise

For those who care to contemplate further, here are some questions for reflection

• - What did your ancestors endure?
• - What talents/gifts of yours can you see in your living elders?
• - What annoying traits of theirs can you find in yourself?
• - How can you bring lightness to this awareness?
• - How can you increase your compassion, patience, gratitude for your elders and ancestors?
• - How can you express your gifts to benefit others?
• - Who do you need to phone, write, or skype today?

Book recommendation:
Murther and Walking Spirits by Robertson Davies

Please share your discoveries!

Little did I know that the content would become so personal to the Brilliance Inc. team. Since our founding 2008, we’ve had the luxury of proximity. We could brainstorm around the same pad of paper or flip chart, share challenges and successes across the table, strategize and debrief meetings in the car pool lane.

And that luxury is about to become history as life takes us in different geographic directions.

So here are some reminders that I offer to myself, my team, and any of you who are charged with achieving great things with others at a distance.

Working remotely can feel like you are isolated on an island. Not entirely a bad thing at times, but posing real challenges. In order to truly feel like a cohesive team and exceed your goals, you need to build sturdy, reliable bridges. In our program, Communicating Across Networks, we focus on three of the most important links.

Bridge #1: Connection

Relationships and trust are critical to any high-performing team. And if you’ve ever been new to a team, or worked on a team with low trust, you know how much extra effort it takes to get stuff done. When teams have trust, benefit of the doubt, a sense of humor, and true connections, mistakes and misunderstandings are merely speed bumps. Without trust, mistakes become mountains, where people play a version of corporate musical chairs to avoid sitting in the blame seat. Strong relationships can be forged and maintained regardless of geographic location. But it takes intention, skill, and constant awareness and effort to do it over phone and email.

Bridge #2: Clarity

Misunderstanding is common. And when communicating across networks, misunderstanding seems to be the NORM. Communications via email and text, even in the same language, can require translation. I can relate to George Bernard Shaw’s quote that “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place”.

In the age of texting and shorthand communication, it can be tempting to assume we understand and move on. Clarifying your statements, assumptions, expectations, requests and intentions becomes even more important when you can’t infer from someone’s body language or tone.

Bridge #3: Commitment

Ever wrongly assumed that silence meant agreement? Tasks fail to get done when we presume commitment that isn’t real or when we don’t clearly grasp someone’s full workload. Clarifying who’s doing what by when and with what support, will help strengthen the other two bridges (connection and clarity). It takes courage to admit that one is not committed to a task.

Best Bridge-Building Behaviors

Key behaviors help create effective, engaged, dispersed teams. Perhaps the most essential are these:

• - Assume positive intent in others
  - Be curious and seek to understand
  - Display authentic, appropriate humanness (e.g. admitting fear or fault)
  - Adjust to the audience (tone, content, speed, medium, approach)
  - Offer clear, requests, statements, declines, opinions, praise, and feedback.
  - Recognize and appreciate differences

Here’s to the team (mine and yours)!

Think you could become fluent in Spanish in a one-day workshop?

Us neither.

How about proficient on piano in one day?

Nope.

Scientific research tell us, (what you already knew intuitively), that it takes at least 21 days of practice to instill a new habit. And, mastery is another thing altogether. If Malcolm Gladwell has it right in his latest book Outliers, it takes 10,000 hours of practice to be superlative in any field.

Yet, when it comes to developing the behaviors that characterize great leadership, many clients expect mastery in a day. We firmly believe that a leadership training workshop is just the beginning.

Practice makes…
If you are in a fabulous training program (like one of ours for example!) you can gain awareness about yourself and others, practice new skills, and plan to implement the behaviors.  While helpful, it’s probably not enough to keep the momentum going while everything in your life and workplace encourages business (and behavior) as usual. If you need any evidence that this is true, just glance at that shelf in your office where good training binders go to die, collecting dust.

Real, lasting improvement begins with epiphanies and takes hold with practice. That is why we became coaches. We saw too many great people fail to turn their insights into action after the (Incredible! Amazing!) workshop ended and reality happened.

Our goal:
Change the way corporations support leadership development so that the efforts create real, sustainable, brilliant results.

We have left the land of denial where we pretended that deep change could happen in a few hours, as long as the content was well designed, the leaders well-intentioned, and the facilitator was incredible.  We want you to join us!

You need support while you create new habits, gain proficiency and eventually, fluency. That is why we created the ebook Conversations for Brilliance: Tools to Help You Inspire Extraordinary Results from Yourself and Others.

Conversations for Brilliance:
With this ebook, you can become your own personal coach and refine (or overhaul) your practice to improve the quality of your conversations, your relationships, and your results. Learning how to consistently have more powerful conversations takes practice.

Leaders don’t have the luxury of practicing their trade off the field. Every day, in every conversation, and with every decision, you are developing yourself as a manager, colleague, influencer, collaborator, parent, trusted partner, etc. You’re practicing anyway…why not get the benefit of some pragmatic, experienced help so you develop the outcomes you need?

What’s in the book:
We’ve included ideas, information, assignments, assessments, and other tools that, when applied with regularity and gusto, will shape your results in all aspects of your life.

Our mission is to help you have more powerful conversations-all conversations, whether with yourself or with others, big or small, long or short, easy or uncomfortable-so that you evoke brilliance in yourself and others.

Are you ready to have more powerful conversations and improve your results? If yes, click here to order your copy.

Testimonials
Here’s what people are saying about the book:

“Conversations for Brilliance is a powerful tool for managers at all levels who want to challenge and inspire their employees, as well as themselves, toward achieving ever improving performance. ”
- JAY S. BENET, VICE CHAIRMAN AND CFO, The Travelers Companies, Inc.

“It’s been said that the quality of our lives is determined by the quality of the questions we ask ourselves and others who are central to our success and happiness and, of course, the quality of our answers to those questions. Those who thoughtfully answer the provocative questions posed in Brilliance will have insights galore, plus a wealth of recommendations from which to choose as they step onto a more effective and compelling path. What a great resource!”
- SUSAN SCOTT, BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF Fierce Conversations, Achieving Success at Work & in Life – One Conversation at a Time and Fierce Leadership, A Bold Alternative to the Worst “Best” Practices of Business Today

“In Conversations for Brilliance, Denise and Heather succeed in communicating profound and complex leadership concepts in an accessible manner. I recommend this book for good, introspective managers looking for advice on how to grow people-advice that goes beyond the simple management or coaching how-to’s they can find elsewhere.”
- MARIA V. WAYNE, Ph.D. AND SENIOR DIRECTOR, GLOBAL LEARNING AND DEVELOPMENT, Seagate Technology

“Reaching for our potential is in our DNA; we’re each born with an innate desire to discover all the brilliance that lies within us. In Conversations for Brilliance, Denise and Heather provide a guide, a wealth of tools, and practical advice to enrich the journey of discovery. This book is a resource you will find yourself going back to again and again as you navigate the most important relationships in your life.”
- KIRSTEN WOLBERG, CIO salesforce.com

Click here to learn more and order the ebook!