Last week we introduced you to our over-committed client Mary, and the Life Satisfaction Assessment. Now we want to know what you discovered.

What would you change about your life in order to be more happy and successful?

Why am I so nosy? Simple: I WANT TO HELP! I have weeks worth of incredible content but it means nothing if it’s not what you need right NOW.

So please take a moment (more like 90 seconds) to respond to a short questionnaire. Click here to go to the survey.

I’ll Trade You A Book for Your 90 Seconds

And since I know how hard it is to motivate you to take those 90 seconds, I’d like to offer a free gift. Anyone who responds to the survey will receive our acclaimed ebook: Conversations for Brilliance AND be entered in a drawing to receive a free 1 hour coaching session with me. I don’t even offer private coaching so please take me up on this special offer and enter the contest.

Share Your Story!

Want to submit two entries to the contest? Just send us a story about how the eGuide, How to Say No With Grace, Not Guilt has inspired or helped you. You can email your stories to info@brillianceinc.com or on our online Contact Us Form.

Here’s to your Brilliance!

Warmest Regards,

Denise

My new client Mary described herself as “super-busy.” She told me, “I’m not sure what I want to work on. My life is pretty good and I’m overall pretty happy.”

I asked her to take my 3-minute Life Satisfaction Assessment and we’d go over it in our next session. When we talked next she said she was stunned: she didn’t realize that her satisfaction was so out of whack in some very important areas of her life.

Her life was full…but not fulfilling.

Mary was suffering from the results of saying yes to so many people and things, that she didn’t have the capacity to say yes to things that would create a truly fulfilling life.

Can you relate?

If you worry about how to say no so that you maintain relationships and credibility, take the assessment yourself and take one step closer to the life you deserve. Click to get your Life Satisfaction Assessment and Instructions.

Here’s to your brilliance.

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

~ Annie Dillard

Don’t Believe Every Assessment You Take

As a leadership coach, you might think I’d like personality assessments. But I don’t. It’s not that they don’t have some value.  I just think that they’re more limited than people allow for: that humans are more complex than any automatic assessment can capture.

And I don’t care what their creators and promoters say about how precise they are, I get different results depending on the time of day, what’s going on my life, and how much coffee I’ve had.

Perhaps you’ve felt boxed in by one of these reports. According to at least two instruments, I’m an Introvert. And sometimes that feels true: I do sometimes like to think quietly until I’ve fleshed out my thoughts. Other times, though, I spew nascent ideas as fast as I can think them. At times I do gain energy by being alone. But after a while I need to get up and be with people.

About 7 years ago, I came across an assessment called the Highlands Ability Battery that promised to measure innate abilities that didn’t fluctuate after the age of 14.

That was when I heard the term Ambivert for this first time. Finally, I felt understood by an assessment. It was actually worth the painstaking three plus hours to take the tests.

We Ambiverts can be very confusing to others. We can be gregarious one moment, meditative the next.  We get a charge from being with people and working on a team…until we don’t.  For me, this really resonated. I can lead a day-long workshop with passion and deep empathy. After, you can find me in a fetal position in my car, recharging my batteries.

For you all you Introverts and Extroverts, I have a message: it’s not personal, and we’re not crazy.

So What Can an Ambivert Do?

Let people know about your style: that your behavior fluctuations are not about them, just about you needing to manage energy.   Be realistic about your needs. When you need to recharge, don’t feel guilty stepping away. You’ll be more useful and nice to be around when you return. And when you’re in the mood to talk out loud, say that these are early thoughts and that you’re tossing them out. On the other hand, if you need time to think before responding, say so.  People will be less confused, and will make fewer wrong assumptions about your intent.

Think you’re an Ambivert? How can you tell? What advice do you have for others?

Book: Don’t Waste Your Talent by Don Hutcheson

What, No Confetti?

I recently experienced the same thing I tell my clients, and honestly, it was a bit deflating.

Yet, it was the right feeling. It meant success. It meant the board’s efforts in developing its strategic plan, debating objectives, defining strategies, and nit-picking select words had been worth the effort. The new board member with whom I reviewed the plan, simply said, “Thanks for that overview. It makes sense to me. It seems pretty straightforward, but it covers a lot of ground, which it needs to. How can I help?”

That was it.

He didn’t applaud. He didn’t say, “Wow Liz. This is amazing! It’s the most concise, focused, yet results-oriented strategic plan I’ve ever seen!” He wasn’t awed or tantalized by the plan. He didn’t appear ready to start an organization-wide campaign to “get everyone on board” by creating new banners and giving out buttons. He simply wanted to start moving it forward.

And because of that, the plan is already working.

Effective strategic planning (or for that matter any project planning) is only effective when it creates a clear roadmap for the team responsible for making it happen.

When it creates excitement, shock and awe, but confusion, chaos, conflicts, and frustration are soon to follow.  And this is why many of my clients have painful memories of prior strategic planning initiatives. They were well intentioned. They felt good and right during the process. But they yielded a document of little value, that caused more headaches than value because no one remembers what they meant as the various pieces of the plan were created. Their plans sound nice, but require subsequent meetings to discuss what was meant instead of actually working the plan.

Because of this all-too-common focus on creating lofty plans intended to inspire instead of clarify, I tell my clients:

If we’ve developed your strategic plan well, the rest of the team will understand it and accept it when it’s shared with them. However, be prepared: they won’t be amazed or barely able to contain their applause, because it won’t be awe-inspiring: it’ll be clear but challenging. In fact, some of them may say, “It took you how many meetings to come up with just these few sheets of paper?” And, that’s the type of reaction we want. We don’t want them to be amazed, in shock, awed, or paralyzed by fear. We want them to hear it or read it, and “get it.”

Because if they “get it,” they have a pretty clear picture of what we’re asking them to help work towards. When they “get it,” they aren’t paralyzed by confusion.

They can help make it happen.

And that’s the purpose of a well-developed plan. Even though the planning teams wouldn’t mind just a bit of applause….

Reprinted with permission. Copyright 2012 – Liz Weber, CMC – Weber Business Services, LLC – www.WBSLLC.com

You can see the whole post, resources, and comments on Liz' blog here.

You can connect with Liz on Facebook and Twitter

Our Most Useful Tool for Change

At Brilliance Inc, we’re dedicated to helping leaders change for good. Want to know how you can use our most powerful technique to get better results in any area of your life?

Watch the video to find out why no amount of will-power is enough to sustain change, unless you do this first.

And if you’re arriving here from YouTube, get the tools below the video and begin your assessment now!

While you’re here, leave a comment and SUBSCRIBE to this blog so you don’t miss valuable information and tools.

Here’s to your success!

Download the tools Right click on the “Download the tools” then click on the “Save Link As” and save the tools

Bonus: My Health Team

Here are some of the amazing resources that my beliefs about health have led me to. Please add your resources in the comments section!

Allergy & Auto-Immune

• NAET
• Dr. Ellen Cutler, BIOSET (A high-tech, modern upgrade of NAET)

Body Worker

• Sonja Sutherland Feldenkrais Berkeley

Chiropractor:

• Leo Cannone (San Leandro): 510-352-6033
• Beth Marx (Oakland) 510-834-1557

Cranial Sacral & Visceral:

• Lianne (Berkeley) 510 704-0120
• Stephanie Wilger (Berkeley & Santa Cruz)

MDs

• Morgan Camp, M.D. (balance & mojo restorer) Mill Valley, CA
• Robert Gamburd (Physiatrist and Jock Doc)
• Raj Patel (South Bay Guru and Holistic MD)

Vision Correction (Lasik)

• Laser Eye Center of Silicon Valley: Gary Kawesch

Books to Upgrade Your Beliefs About Money, Health, Aging & Possibility

• The Trance of Scarcity,
• Get Off Your ‘But‘, Sean Stephenson
• Counterclockwise, Ellen Langer

Have you ever led a meeting where you felt that participants’ minds were somewhere else? Maybe another galaxy?

Of course not. I’m sure your meetings are scintillating.

Read this, just in case.

By investing just a few minutes at the beginning of any meeting, you can greatly improve the results AND enhance teamwork and relationships.

Step One: Find Their Mind

The best meetings I’ve observed, attended, or run, always begin with a simple check in, where the meeting leader asks, “What’s going on in your life that has the potential to distract you?”

In one recent meeting, the group learned that: one person was hungry; another was nervous about a new boss starting the following day; another had a toddler at home who was getting over the flu; and another had a family member who was in critical care after being hit by a car.

Having all this messy internal dialogue out in the open helps in several ways. First, just by sharing it aloud, people are more able to let go and focus. Second, people gain a greater appreciation and empathy for others as whole people, not just colleagues or competitors. Third, it helps you facilitate the meeting with confidence instead of making bad assumptions about why someone is looking at their phone or the clock.

As a bonus, it helps you quickly assess how much trust exists on the team.

Step Two: Bring Them Back to Earth

Once everyone has shared, it’s time to orient them to the present moment and task.

First, have them focus on something sensory: their feet on the floor or ambient noise like the sound of a clock or air conditioning. This important step can take as little as 30 seconds and gets people out of the clouds of thought.

Step Three: Orient to A New, Shared Destination

In this last step, you set them up mentally for the best possible outcomes.

1. Ask them to envision an ideal outcome for the meeting as if it already happened.

2. Ask them to think silently about what quality they need to bring to this conversation. Possibilities include: patience, empathy, listening with curiosity, brevity and humor. Have them write it down.

When to Use This Process?

Do this anytime you want to enhance focus and cooperation.

Worried that you won’t have time? Ask people to share their distraction in one sentence. Then model it yourself. While they may think you’re a little wacky the first time you do it, it only takes once for people to appreciate this process. So if you’re feeling awkward, add that to your share.

As the leader, you calibrate the level of authenticity and openness when you share first.

Summary

Allowing people to be human for a few minutes at the beginning of a meeting will make a huge difference in your results.

We hire people for their skills but the whole person shows up.

- Chester Bernard

One Final Tip. Offer food and caffeine.

More Resources:

Video: Grab this video on our Facebook Welcome Page about cutting you meeting time in 1/3 . Great tips from my awesome partner and Global Leadership Coach, Heather Andersen.

Your Turn

Have you tried this? How did it work? What would you add or change? Please share!

Just Say No to “Fruitcake Praise”

Great leaders know how to praise in ways that leave people feeling truly seen and appreciated.

Not-so-great leaders may praise people, yet leave them feeling misunderstood, and even demotivated.

Wondering how your praise habits stack up against the best?

Watch this short video and in roughly 5 minutes, you’ll have all the information you need to begin inspiring anyone you meet. Plus, you’ll find out what holiday fruitcake has to do with motivating others.

Download the tool Right click on the “Download the tool” then click on the “Save Link As” and save the tool

What do the world’s most admired, effective, & fulfilled leaders have that others don’t?

LOVE.

No, not the romantic kind. This love won’t get you in trouble with Human Resources.

I’m talking about the kind of love where you genuinely care about the success and well-being of others—your family, your employees, your partners, your customers.

Love and the Bottom Line

You can tell when a company has a culture of love. Flown lately? If you flew Southwest, you probably felt it.  If you called a customer service rep at Zappos, you probably felt it.

Can you get rich without love? Sure. There are no shortage of loveless leaders and companies who treat employees and customers as means to profit. And they spend millions of wasted dollars and energy on lawsuits, PR, and high employee turnover.

Without love, you’re missing a key strategic variable because:

(STRATEGY + EXECUTION) (LOVE) = BRILLIANT RESULTS

When every other airline began charging for luggage, Southwest launched its Bags Fly Free campaign.

“We are convinced that not charging for bags wins us more customers, and therefore more revenue and more profits, as compared to doing what everybody else does, which customers universally hate. Charging for bags goes against everything we stand for.” Gary Kelly, SWA

According to Kelly, Southwest has enjoyed a 1 percent share shift since other airlines began charging bag fees. It brought an additional $1 billion to Southwest when bag fees were the only significant change in the industry, he says.

A company is stronger if it is bound by love rather than by fear.

Herb Kelleher

“Businesses often forget about the culture, and ultimately, they suffer for it because you can’t deliver good service from unhappy employees.”

Tony Hsieh, Zappos CEO

(Point of interest, Hsieh lasted 5 months at his first employer, Oracle, before deciding it wasn’t for him)

As Jack Canfield says, “Success leaves trails” so begin by learning what great leaders do, then emulate. Here are some great places to start.

• Delivering Happiness, Tony Hsieh
• Lead with Luv, A conversation between Herb Kelleher and Ken Blanchard.
• Love is the Killer App, Tim Sanders

Begin Today

Perhaps the greatest gift you can give someone is to listen with curiosity and focused, loving attention. Instead of trying to fix or correct, just listen. Instead of constantly looking at your phone or monitor, give them your full attention. When you feel like interrupting, close your mouth and take a breath. When they pause, ask  “what else?”

Love and Politics

Who else thinks we could use a little more genuine love from our politicians? As in business, politicians can choose how they attempt to inspire action (i.e. votes and money). Sadly, leaders who demonstrate  authentic love and concern for all citizenry are too rare.

If you liked (or loved) this post, please comment. Also, please tell us about your legendary leader. What did they do that made you feel the love?

Delusional Clients

I’m fortunate to partner with clients who inspire me with their courage, vision, and wit. Sadly, many of them don’t readily see what I see in them: they fail to notice the positive impact they have on others and may suffer from doubt, guilt, and loneliness.

And it’s not just top execs who suffer from this delusion.

Do You Suffer from Delusions of Smallness?

Here are some indicators:

• You fail to give yourself the same care and consideration as you give others (or your dog).
• You worry that all you’ve achieved is undeserved or ephemeral.
• You treat your body as a machine that runs on coffee and doesn’t require ample rest and rejuvenation.
• You say yes to all demands even if it means sacrificing sleep, sanity, and relationships.
• You apologize often for things outside your control, as in “I’m so sorry I didn’t respond to your 2:00 a.m. email” or “I’m so sorry it’s raining.”
• You compare yourself to others or to some ideal vision of who you think you should be.

Reality Check
No matter who you are or what you do for a living, if you ignore your body’s needs for rest, nutrition, and exercise, it will break down someday…almost certainly at a very inconvenient time and place. (Note, it’s possible, but highly unlikely, that you’ll get lucky and earn a standing ovation from 3,000 people after passing out stage as my buddy Steve Roesler did).

What You Can Do About It

• Make exercise, sleep, and healthy eating a priority. You don’t have to do this alone. Find partners–nutritionists, MDs, Sleep therapists, personal trainers etc. who can help you make lasting changes. Don’t give up until you have a thriving body with ample energy.
• Say ‘yes’ to work that is the best use of you and ‘no’ to work that can be delegated or stopped. When you delegate well you grow and inspire others.
• Recognize what is within your sphere of control and influence, and learn to accept the rest.
• Get perspective - Have a coach or HR partner interview staff to find out how you are truly perceived.
• Get networked - Leadership is lonely. Find colleagues you can talk to honestly.
• Practice gratitude. This is one of the best ways to get out of a funk. Pay thanks to everyone and anyone who helped you get where you are: teachers, coaches, bosses, professors, the BART conductor, the assembly line worker who built your car, the barrista…you get the idea.
• Eschew perfection. Stop making homemade cookies for your child’s bake sale. Outsource everything you can and focus your attention on quality time with people you care about.
• Eschew guilt. Guilt is rarely helpful and mostly toxic and unnecessary. If you find that you’ve had an integrity outage, apologize and do better. If you’re feeling guilty for not being superhuman, get over it. Examine your choices and limitations, choose how to spend your time, and move on.
• Embrace fun. Listen to vintage Steve Martin. Watch stupid YouTube videos. Go on the rides with your kid. Do whatever makes you smile and belly laugh. Take things less seriously.

Prioritize You

As you examine your long to-do list, recall that in forests, thousands of small species depend on the health and strength of the tallest trees. When you take care of yourself, everyone around you benefits.

“Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. We are all meant to shine, as children do.”

- Marianne Williamson

Medical Resource

I have the pleasure of recommending my MD, Dr. Morgan Camp who specializes in helping busy executives return their bodies to balance and find optimal health. I have first-hand knowledge that he gets people thriving quickly. His office is in Mill Valley, CA and he also consults by phone. Make yourself a priority today.

Book

The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working by Tony Schwartz

Change for Good

As an Executive Coach, my job is to help people change for good. Not everyone is ready for such a project.  Some people just want everyone around them to change instead. And others worry that if they change their behaviors, they’ll come off as inauthentic—a fake. Truth is, if you’re unable to adapt your approach to people and situations, your relationships will suffer and your career will hit a wall.

Authenticity Misunderstood

Authenticity is about being real…not rigid.  That is, it’s not about stubbornly holding on to valued personality traits—or even beliefs—that aren’t working. The most successful leaders adapt to people and situations gracefully and appropriately.

Authentically Adaptive

I once had the pleasure of working for an inspiring leader who made the difficult transition from mid-level manager to C-suite executive.  Three of his most prized personal qualities were:

• Passionate
• Gregarious
• Intelligent

Culled while growing up in the Middle-East, and honed for business in New York City, these traits were part of a mixture that propelled him to success. It wasn’t until he landed a job in Northern California, in a company culture known for being ‘nice’ and agreeable, that he rain into trouble.

With the help of a coach, he came to quickly see that people were misunderstanding his intent. People thought he was intimidating, closed-minded, and a poor listener. His communication style was masking qualities and values such as being open to influence and deep care for others. He could have claimed that these traits were “part of his DNA,” but he cared more about being effective than being rigidly right.

You Are Bigger than Your Personality

Contrary to what you might have heard, your MBTI, DiSC – or any other personality inventory score—is not etched in stone, and is certainly not an excuse for poor adaptability. You are responsible for your beliefs, values, and behaviors. And you can change them.

Assess Yourself

Authenticity requires a deep understanding of yourself. Adaptability requires a deep understanding of others: what they need and how you affect them.

Before you can make any changes, you must first get an objective assessment of what is and isn’t working. Here’s one way:

1. Make a list of valued traits that best describe you.

2. Find someone you respect, who can be objective and honest with you. If you don’t have such a person, consider using a neutral party like a coach.

3. Ask this neutral person: When does this quality work well? When does it undermine me?

For example, let’s assume you describe yourself as passionate. They might tell you that this trait:

• Works well when you devote passion to developing your team.
• Undermines you when you devote passion to winning an argument.

Authentic Advice From an Undercover FBI Agent

Still doubt whether you can be authentic and adaptive at once? This post was inspired by LaRay Quy, who wrote 5 Ways to become a more authentic leader. I suspect that if she can figure out how to call up her authentic self while serving as an undercover FBI agent, we normal folk can too.

“People can spot inauthenticity from fifty paces. Show up as yourself consistently. Unless of course, you are a jackass.”

- Susan Scott, Fierce Leadership

Other Resources

• Book: What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: Marshall Goldsmith. Learn the habits every manager needs to break to successfully transition to senior leadership

• Blog Posts:
  • Breaking Bad Habits by Denny Coates
  • 5 Ways to Become a More Authentic Leader by LaRae Quy, posted by Michael Hyatt
  • To learn whether you’re coachable, check out this great blog post by Steve Roesler: 5 Ways to be Coachable

We’d like to hear from you!

How do you adapt your favorite personality traits to people and situations? We’d love to know!