If for some reason we were limited to advising clients to improve in only one area, it would be listening. It’s quite possible that there is no faster way to improve your effectiveness in all areas of life than by becoming a better listener.
It’s not that we don’t listen: we don’t do it well. And by well, we mean that we don’t listen in a way that will improve our relationships, our results, our selves. We listen to get by. And it’s no surprise. We are bombarded by constant sounds all day, every day.
Many of these sounds are self-inflicted. We awaken to a clock radio, have TVs on as background noise, listen to the news as we drive, and set up our phones and PDA’s to notify us whenever someone reaches out to us by email or text. I was recently with an 18-year old who received notification of a text message every 40- seconds for ten hours. Those of you who know teenagers know that this is not an exaggeration. Amidst all this cacophony, we have learned a coping skill: selective listening. Problems arise when we fail to turn off selective listening when it matters.
We can choose how deeply we listen. Here’s an overview of the different levels of listening and the distinctions between them.
Different ways to listen: (inspired by the authors of Co-Active Coaching)
Level 1. Surface Listening
Recall a time spent inside an airport terminal. How do you listen to the repeating message on the speaker system that tells you that baggage left unattended will be confiscated and cars left unattended will be towed? Most likely, you barely even hear it. It’s there but it doesn’t garner much of your attention. Nor should it. You have many other things that require deeper focus.
We run into trouble when we listen to our loved ones or valued associates in this manner. We hear but we don’t grasp the full meaning. Nuance is lost. How do you feel when someone listens to you at this level? Unfortunately, the people closest to us are likely to encounter us in this level often. You could also call this the post nuptial listening level.
Level 2. Spiked Attention Listening
Think about that same loudspeaker in the airport. What if you hear your name called?
At this level, we listen at a surface level until something provokes our interest. We hear more than we do at level one, but we still don’t grasp all meaning. We are self-focused. We drift.
Level 3. Curious Listening
Back in the airport, how do you listen to announcements about your flight when you are late and the voice has a strong accent in a language different from your native tongue? You anticipate; clear your mind of distracting thoughts; listen attentively. When we listen in this way to others, we strive to understand fully. We may also pay attention to subtle cues. While this is a deep listening, it’s often still self-focused. We listen for what it means to us. “How does what you’re saying reflect on me?” “How does it impact me?” “How does it prove what I already believe to be true?”
Level 4. Intuitive Listening
At this level, we employ senses beyond auditory. We listen for nuance, for meaning, for discovery. We have no agenda, nothing to prove. We are open to learning. We notice what’s not said. We detect emotion. At this level, we call on our intuition to inform us. We take cues from non-verbal sounds and movement.
Most of us are not practiced at this type of listening. At best, we operate at level three sometime in our day. In some cultures however, this kind of listening is more common. In these so-called, high-context cultures*, people adeptly attune to unspoken messages. Listening more deeply like this does take more energy if we are not used to doing it.
You don’t have to listen deeply all the time: The idea is to listen deeply when in conversation with others who would benefit from your focused attention-your colleagues associates, your partner, your child. If you want to evoke brilliance from yourself and others, you must call on a deeper listening. And that of course, will take practice.
It’s worth the effort. Here’s a list of some outcomes great listeners experience:
- Increased trust from others
- Greater knowledge of all aspects of projects, events, people, plans
- Improved relationships with colleagues across departments
- Greater efficiency through fewer miscommunications and rework
- More engaged and motivated associates
- Greater ability to attract and retain talent
- Greater ability to communicate effectively with international colleagues
Good listening!
* High-context means that “most of the information is either in the physical context or initialized in the person, while very little is in the coded, explicit, transmitted part of the message.” (Hall, 1976, p 79).
Book of the month:
Co-Active Coaching, 2nd Edition: New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life. Laura Whitworth, Karen Kimsey-House, Henry Kimsey-House, Phillip Sandahl
Question for Reflection:
How would the world be different if enemies listened to each other at level four?
Opportunity of the Month:
Notice how you listen to those that matter most. Upgrade to the next level. Then the next. What does this create?
Conversations for Brilliance
